Tip Number 54: Fit in, but do not become one of the boys.<\/em><\/p>\nCarol: Powerful!<\/p>\n
Katie: I put this in there because many of you know \u2013 I came from a male-based work environment technology. My first career was in Engineering. I thought I had to be one of the boys to fit it in. I was young.<\/p>\n
Carol: I\u2019ve been there.<\/p>\n
Katie: Now, think about what that does for you and what it does against you.<\/p>\n
So those of you that are listening, think about the work environments that you are in \u2013 even if it\u2019s not male-dominated and it might be male-based.<\/p>\n
Most of our followers are in most of their situations with mostly men. Most, most, most.<\/p>\n
Carol: And interestingly, most businesses because you know, the business model was started many, many years ago. Most businesses are male-dominated or male-based.<\/p>\n
Katie: Based on commanding control.<\/p>\n
Carol: Yes. Based on the way men wanted.<\/p>\n
Katie: Think, look. And let\u2019s talk real quickly about it because we\u2019re going to talk about how not to be one of the boys.<\/p>\n
Let\u2019s talk real quickly about what our definition of the difference between men and women is \u2013 because we have a philosophy.<\/p>\n
Carol: Well, the most basic difference\u2026<\/p>\n
Katie: Not physiological, Carol and hormonal. Because the hormones that are in men drive them differently than the hormones that are in women.<\/p>\n
Carol: That\u2019s true.<\/p>\n
Katie: That almost is the bottom line right there.<\/p>\n
Carol: Yes \u2013 beyond physiological differences. Well, and then brain differences as well.<\/p>\n
Katie: Let me talk about the hormone differences. Because testosterone brings out a win\/lose competition. It creates a fighter fly type dominance.<\/p>\n
Carol: Have I told you my testosterone story?<\/p>\n
Katie: I thought you\u2019re going to say \u2013 \u201cHave I told you my testosterone is through the roof?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\nCarol: No. This is just a little aside.<\/p>\n
Katie: Okay.<\/p>\n
Carol: And I probably shouldn\u2019t reveal this on a podcast, but I think it\u2019s very interesting. It was an experiment in what testosterone does.<\/p>\n
I went to my doctor and she said, \u201cWell, let\u2019s do hormone replacement therapy because you\u2019re getting a little bit older now and Hot Flashes are a problem.\u201d <\/em>And she said, \u201cLet\u2019s just mix in a little testosterone with that estrogen and [Inaudible][0:03:29.8].\u201d<\/em><\/p>\nAnd so, she did. And I used it as a cream. It was horrible. I was irritable with everything all the time. It was awful. I just felt like I was mad. My husband called it \u201cbitch cream.\u201d <\/em>So it was this very strange experiment with somebody else\u2019s normal being.<\/p>\nKatie: Yeah, because your bitch cream wanted you to make him your bitch.<\/p>\n
My friend, KC did the same thing and she got off it so fast. She said, \u201cI was nothing more than angry.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\nCarol: I was so mad.<\/p>\n
Katie: She said, \u201cI was angry.\u201d<\/em> And her observation about it \u2013 I thought was so interesting because she said, \u201cI can completely see why all of our prisons are full of men.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\nCarol: Oh, yes.<\/p>\n
Katie: It just promotes that sort of behavior. Now, this is not a male-bashing statement. I am really not saying that.<\/p>\n
Carol: No. Most men keep it under control. And it\u2019s not to say that I couldn\u2019t have kept it under control, but I really didn\u2019t want that in my life.<\/p>\n
So no, this is not male-bashing. We forgive you for having this hormone in your body.<\/p>\n
Katie: And we do have something natural anyway.<\/p>\n
Carol: Yes.<\/p>\n
Katie: And the way I put the difference between men and women is \u2013 most, because we genderalize. Carol and I call it \u201cGenderalization.\u201d<\/em> Most men are different than most women.<\/p>\nCarol: Right.<\/p>\n
Katie: That doesn\u2019t mean that there\u2019s not some women that are tomboys or a little more commanding control ish. And there\u2019s not some men that are a little bit more feminine or sensitive.<\/p>\n
We all have a little bit of everything. But most men are different than most women.<\/p>\n
Carol: Right.<\/p>\n
Katie: So one of them is the hormonal levels. And of course, that changes through different times of life.<\/p>\n
Carol: Yes, it does.<\/p>\n
Katie: The other thing is the way that our brains work. So a man\u2019s brain \u2013 if you put a functional MRI which was measuring the blood activity through it. You know, whichever part of the brain is firing at whatever time. And I\u2019m not a neurologist so don\u2019t hold me to any of this.<\/p>\n
Carol: She read about it though.<\/p>\n
Katie: But I did read about this and I do study some of this.<\/p>\n
The men\u2019s brain is very focused in certain areas at certain times. So they have a stronger natural ability to concentrate and to block out the things around them.<\/p>\n
Carol: Yes.<\/p>\n
Katie: When he\u2019s in watching the football game or when he\u2019s reading an article on the paper and you\u2019re saying, \u201cHoney. Honey. Honey.\u201d<\/em> And five minutes later he goes, \u201cHuh? What?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\nIt\u2019s because he has an ability to focus in on certain parts of the brain and that blood movement stabilizes that part of the brain that he\u2019s using.<\/p>\n
Carol: And historically, we kind of move that all the way back to the fact that men were hunters. They needed to focus on prey and knowing where it was and be able to focus on tracking and all of that.<\/p>\n
Katie: Right. Yeah. So it does have some history to it \u2013 some evolutionary history and it has value to it.<\/p>\n
Carol: Sure. Absolutely! And it still has value.<\/p>\n
Katie: And a lot of women push back and they say, \u201cOh! You cannot compare men and women today to what they were in the cave.\u201d<\/em> But you know what? There are a lot of things that have not changed.<\/p>\nCarol: Right. Yeah.<\/p>\n
Katie: So the difference now in a women \u2013 is if we look at the functional MRI, what\u2019s happening in the motions in her brain. We see her whole brain light up. We see a lot of activity in a lot of different areas. The threshold between the left brain and the right brain is \u2013 there\u2019s actually a physical bridge that\u2019s much bigger, more built out than in the men\u2019s. And so, we can switch back and forth between left brain and right brain quite readily.<\/p>\n
Carol: We\u2019re not quite so focused.<\/p>\n
Katie: Exactly.<\/p>\n
Carol: So I mean, there are good things and bad things with both brains.<\/p>\n
Katie: Well, you know in our assessment in the Intuition Model in the assessment. One of the things we ask people \u2013 women who take it as, \u201cHow well do you multitask?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\nCarol: Right.<\/p>\n
Katie: And we know that women are naturally good at multitasking because of that ability to bounce around our brains. But it also has a downside \u2013 as does any strength. It has a downside of looking scatter brained.<\/p>\n
Carol: Right. So what\u2019s the evolutionary reason for women\u2019s brains to be this way? Because there isn\u2019t evolutionary focus?<\/p>\n
Katie: Because we\u2019ve got a lot of family around us, we\u2019ve got homework keeping. (I mean, I\u2019m talking evolutionary here.) We\u2019ve got a lot of different worlds that we\u2019re living in all at once. If you think about a modern day woman. Who\u2019s the primary person in charge of the family?<\/p>\n
Carol: Oh! Yeah. What don\u2019t we do?<\/p>\n
Katie: Who\u2019s the person in charge of the volunteer work? Who does the community stuff? Who figures out what you\u2019re going to do socially with your friends?<\/p>\n
Carol: What groceries to buy?<\/p>\n
Katie: \u201cWe\u2019re going out on Friday night with the Jones\u2019s.\u201d<\/em> The groceries to buy. Who figures out what the menu is for the night?<\/p>\nNot that the man doesn\u2019t do it, but a woman has a lot of balls in the air \u2013 a lot.\u00a0 So we are switching around. I mean, look at what you do when you come to work?<\/p>\n
Carol: Yeah.<\/p>\n
Katie: You focus on the project and your phone rings and of course, you have to think \u2013 \u201cOkay. That might be one of the kids at school so I need to at least check it.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\nCarol: Right.<\/p>\n
Katie: It\u2019s exhausting!<\/p>\n
Carol: So the evolutionary piece to that \u2013 is that women were hunters, gatherers. Well, we were all hunters and gatherers. But women would go pick the berries. And we had to remember where the berries were and go back to those berries.<\/p>\n
And we had children hanging around us. So we had to make sure and know exactly where the kids were at all times. So we were more of the multitaskers without the focus \u2013 necessarily.<\/p>\n
Katie: Yes. Very useful!<\/p>\n
Carol: Yeah.<\/p>\n
Katie: So when we talk about the difference between men and women in a workplace \u2013 You and I believe, Carol that there is a femininity that can be brought to the table that is so valuable.<\/p>\n
But when we\u2019re in an environment where it isn’t the way things are done around here \u2013 in other words, like collaborative thinking, collaborative decision making or empathy. It\u2019s not the way we do it around here because it\u2019s a male-based workplace.<\/p>\n
We [Inaudible][0:09:52.4] that and we think, \u201cWell, I don\u2019t know. I don\u2019t want to look\u2026\u201d<\/em> I want to look competent so I\u2019m going to be commanding control.<\/p>\nThat\u2019s what I mean by trying to be one of the boys. And the other piece of that is the social aspect of it. Because I was buddy-buddy with a lot of the engineers that I worked with and they went so far as to sometimes, say something a little raunchy in front of me.<\/p>\n
And of course I was like, \u201cI don\u2019t care.\u201d<\/em> But at some level, it felt a little bit disrespectful because I did not stand up for \u2013 \u201cHey! I\u2019m different. I have much better raunchy jokes than you do.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\nCarol: And don\u2019t\u2026<\/p>\n
Katie: Don\u2019t even try. And I tell them in a much more composed fashion.<\/p>\n
No. But I wanted to feel like I was a part of them so I felt like I had to act like them \u2013 rather than letting them know I\u2019m different. That felt like it was risky because so many of them might be uncomfortably because of \u2013 \u201cThere\u2019s a girl in the room.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\nMy mom said to me at one point. She was the one that actually said this to me. \u201cDon\u2019t be one of the boys.\u201d<\/em> And I was shocked when I heard her say that because I was like, \u201cMom said don\u2019t be one of the boys.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\nAnd I looked back at how he\u2019s behaving and I kind of thought, \u201cI am kind of trying to act like one of the boys when I was an engineer.\u201d<\/em> I tried to dress like one. I always had a dark blazer on and didn\u2019t look feminine and acted kind of like a tomboy.<\/p>\nAnd I don\u2019t think it did me any good. I think it probably kept me from sticking out a little bit more. But what caused me was the natural value of the female strengths coming to the table.<\/p>\n
Carol: Right. So you\u2019re squelching those in order to be one of the boys.<\/p>\n
Katie: Aha.<\/p>\n
Carol: And we really talk about strengths and feminine strengths in particular, building relationships. Help me here. We have 16 of them.<\/p>\n
Katie: Yes.<\/p>\n
Carol: And it\u2019s important to grasp onto those strengths \u2013 rather than those commanding control male strengths. And for one thing \u2013 When a woman is commanding control, it just isn\u2019t accepted like it is when a man is commanding control.<\/p>\n
Katie: Unfortunately, that is true.<\/p>\n
Carol: And I don\u2019t know if it\u2019s unfortunate of fortunate.<\/p>\n
Katie: Maybe it\u2019s fortunate. Maybe it keeps you from\u2026<\/p>\n
Carol: I don\u2019t think we have to be commanding control. I think we can show people a new way of leadership. And especially in this day in age \u2013 In this day in age, what are you managing if you\u2019re not managing relationships?<\/p>\n
Katie: Exactly! There\u2019s more women that are\u2026 There\u2019s too many women. I want to say there\u2019s too many men, but I don\u2019t really mean that. There\u2019s too many women that move up into leadership and try to lead the way the guy did before her. And she goes down in flames because not only is it not natural, it\u2019s not genuine and it\u2019s\u2026<\/p>\n
Carol: And people don\u2019t accept it.<\/p>\n
Katie: Then people don\u2019t accept it because then it looks too much like she\u2019s trying to play something.<\/p>\n
Carol: And you know honestly, we\u2019re tiptoeing around things here and that is \u2013 We want women to feel very strong and very capable in a workplace.<\/p>\n
Katie: Yes, yes.<\/p>\n
Carol: We just think that we may be going about it a little bit wrong. And in order to feel comfortable in the workplace, we need to embrace our strengths and do those really, really well and then it won\u2019t be even noticed that we\u2019re not doing commanding control. Collaborative decision making \u2013 for one.<\/p>\n
Katie: Yes. That\u2019s one.<\/p>\n
Carol: Okay. So I bring people into the decision making process. I asked people what they think because it\u2019s their jobs that are usually on the frontline of these things.<\/p>\n
Katie: Okay. So can I say what the downside of that is?<\/p>\n
Carol: Uh-hmm.<\/p>\n
Katie: If a man were to try that, he would have a downside. Now, I will say that there are some benefits.<\/p>\n
If we were to do that, people know that \u2013 \u201cOh, it\u2019s a woman. Yes, that\u2019s the way she does it.\u201d <\/em>If a man would do it, he\u2019d be seen as wishy-washy. But when a woman does it, she\u2019s seen as indecisive as well.<\/p>\nCarol: Right.<\/p>\n
Katie: But it\u2019s a strength of hers. My point being \u2013 We\u2019ve got to adjust the way that we see things. We\u2019ve got to adjust our perspective. And so, when Carol uses an interactive decision making or collaborative decision making process, the workplace needs to see that as a strength.<\/p>\n
Carol: Yeah.<\/p>\n
Katie: Same thing with empathy. We need to see that as \u2013 That\u2019s great because it\u2019s not \u2013 \u201cOh! I\u2019m so sorry.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\nIt\u2019s not that. It\u2019s a reflection. Empathy is a reflection on \u2013 \u201cI understand why you feel that way. I understand how that happened.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\nIt\u2019s a great skill. Men don\u2019t use it as a go-to as quickly as women use it as a go-to.<\/p>\n
Carol: And again, in this day in age, we\u2019re managing people. And one of the big things is \u2013 the workforce is shrinking. I mean, honestly, we\u2019ve got to keep people. We\u2019ve got to keep them happy and keep them productive.<\/p>\n
And so, is the way to do that commanding control? And for some people, it may be. Or is the way to do that building relationships and asking them to be a part of the decision making? Well, I would say the ladder is the up and coming way of leadership.<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n[MUSIC PLAYS]<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n
Katie: I think so too.<\/p>\n
Carol: And I think men are going to have to embrace some of those female leadership qualities too.<\/p>\n
Katie: Probably.<\/p>\n
Carol: So that\u2019s the point. The point is that \u2013 fit in, but don\u2019t become one of the boys because we have our own strengths and we need to embrace them and use them.<\/p>\n
Katie: Amen, sister!<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
We\u2019re so glad you joined us for this episode of the Skirt Strategies<\/em> podcast. We\u2019d love to hear from you with questions or comments. Email us at info@skirtstrategies.com<\/a> <\/em>or interact with us on Facebook. <\/em><\/a>Now more than ever \u2013 the world needs powerful, confident female leaders and that\u2019s what we are.<\/p>\n\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n[END OF TRANSCRIPT]<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"16 Minutes Tip 54: Fit in, but do not become one of the boys. There is a line that a woman should never cross. Once you do, your feminine individualism goes adrift. I am talking about women that feel they must act like a man to be accepted as a leader. Relate to men? Yes. […]<\/p>\n
http:\/\/traffic.libsyn.com\/paththreellc\/048_SkirtStrategies_Podcast_Mixdown_1.mp3<\/a><\/audio><\/div>Podcast: Download<\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[24],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4889","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-podcast"],"yoast_head":"\nDo not become "One of the Boys" - Podcast 48<\/title>\n \n \n \n \n \n \n \n \n \n \n \n \n \n \n\t \n\t \n\t \n