Think, Say, Do.<\/em> Have you heard that?<\/p>\nCarol: Yes, just from you.<\/p>\n
Katie: Oh, I’ve chanted it to you?<\/p>\n
Carol: Yeah.<\/p>\n
Katie: When we try to change something in our behavior or in our actions, it begins with a thought. We often think that it\u2019s a long trail to get \u2013 actually to doing it.<\/p>\n
But if you can think something and then say it out loud and then eventually do it, it\u2019s going to be more likely to happen.<\/p>\n
Carol: And it\u2019s going to be something that is in your cadre of doing.<\/p>\n
Katie: Exactly. So let\u2019s say that someone is wanting to be more decisive. Let\u2019s say that Mary is wanting to be more decisive \u2013 or Marianne or whatever.<\/p>\n
Carol: Let\u2019s make up a name.<\/p>\n
Katie: Yeah. Because I know a Mary, right? Let\u2019s just pick somebody I don\u2019t know right now. Marianne.<\/p>\n
So Marianne wants to be more decisive and she has come to the realization (which often happens by the way in training or in coaching or in having some sort of a mentor.) So Marianne\u2019s head is thinking, \u201cI want to be better at being decisive.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\nCarol: Right.<\/p>\n
Katie: My next challenge for Marianne is to say that out loud.<\/p>\n
Carol: Right.<\/p>\n
Katie: It\u2019s almost like an affirmation. In fact, it is an affirmation.<\/p>\n
Carol: Well, if she say it right. So you don\u2019t say it, \u201cI want to be better because I\u2019m not.\u201d<\/em> You say, \u201cI believe I can be better \u2013 and I am.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\nKatie: Or, \u201cI will be.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\nCarol: It has to be a belief.<\/p>\n
Katie: It has to be a belief in an affirmation. If we go as far as making an affirmation, it should be present day. \u201cI am doing this.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\nCarol: Right.<\/p>\n
Katie: Why do you think women don\u2019t like to do that \u2013 or what resist them from doing that?<\/p>\n
Carol: It\u2019s something in us that just says, \u201cNo, you can\u2019t go that far. You stay down here and don\u2019t try to reach.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\nKatie: Yeah, a little bit. Or, \u201cI don\u2019t want to say so much because I\u2019m not worthy.\u201d\u00a0 <\/em>But women do have those little glitches in their head \u2013 to say something out loud that\u2019s not really true. \u201cI\u2019m great at being decisive.\u201d <\/em>\u2013 Feels unethical or unreal. I\u2019m not saying it\u2019s true.<\/p>\nCarol: Right, it\u2019s not true. And I always tell the truth because I was told to tell the truth.<\/p>\n
Katie: Exactly.<\/p>\n
Carol: Oh, that\u2019s it. That\u2019s exactly it. And I know you’ve seen this video. But there\u2019s a really funny video about women giving each other compliments.<\/p>\n
So a woman, \u201cOh, man! That dress is so fabulous.\u201d<\/em> And the woman says, \u201cOh, this old thing? It\u2019s nothing.\u201d<\/em> Somebody else comes up and so it goes on and on and on.<\/p>\nAnd every woman comes up and says, \u201cOh that looks great! You look fabulous today.\u201d <\/em>\u00a0And everybody has to downplay what looks good on them. \nKatie: It\u2019s like we don\u2019t accept compliments.<\/p>\nCarol: And then finally, at the very last one. She actually just says thank you. And all the other ones just like \u2013 explode. Because how can you just say that? You just broke the girl code kind of.<\/p>\n
Katie: Right. \u201cOh my gosh! No, not me.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\nCarol: Oh, yeah. \u201cThis old thing?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\nKatie: I think women are pretty good now at accepting compliments. I think we’ve gotten\u2026<\/p>\n
Carol: A little bit better.<\/p>\n
Katie: And maybe it\u2019s a maturity thing, but we’ve gotten a lot better.<\/p>\n
Carol: It\u2019s hard.<\/p>\n
Katie: But the initial reaction is definitely to say, \u201cOh, no! Stop!\u201d<\/em> Versus, \u201cOh, that\u2019s so nice of you.\u201d <\/em>And somewhere along the line, somebody told me, \u201cKatie, accept the compliment.\u201d <\/em>Just accept the compliment.<\/p>\nCarol: Right.<\/p>\n
Katie: It\u2019s a gift for the other person to feel that you’ve accepted it. So give them that gift of circling it around and thanking them for that.<\/p>\n
Carol: So you were talking about beliefs. And I think you\u2019re absolutely spot-on \u2013 that we are hesitant to affirm something that isn’t absolutely, positively, all 100% true.<\/p>\n
Katie: Right.<\/p>\n
Carol: And we’ve got to get over that because it makes a difference when you can do that.<\/p>\n
Katie: The tip goes back to finding someone that\u2019s a role model that you can aspire to. (And we\u2019ll go back to that \u2013 Think, Say, D, <\/em>in a minute.)<\/p>\nThe aspiring to the person, doesn’t mean that you want to do everything the way they do. But there may be aspects of the way that do \u2013 something in particular.<\/p>\n
Carol: Right.<\/p>\n
Katie: So I can think of my friend, Ginger.<\/p>\n
Carol: Names are changed to protect the innocent.<\/p>\n
Katie: This is actually a compliment. But Ginger and I do some work together and she\u2019s very good at holding me accountable. And we\u2019re doing some step where we create workbooks together. And one week, it will be my assignment and next week, it will be hers.<\/p>\n
But she is very good about saying, \u201cWhen can you meet to talk about how it looks?\u201d<\/em> And then maybe she\u2019ll do the draft and she\u2019ll send it to me on Sunday night. And she\u2019ll say, \u201cYou know, I\u2019m getting ready to take it to print sometime before noon tomorrow. Can you take a look at it by then? Look at page 4 because I heard you say that you wanted to change this and this. Is it exactly how you wanted it?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\nAnd I thought that\u2019s really nice. She\u2019s very good at following up on something, being decisive with it. And in turn, that becomes holding accountable \u2013 which we hear a lot of, these days.<\/p>\n
So I think about her with that key skill. So let\u2019s say that she\u2019s my role model for being decisive and holding other people accountable.<\/p>\n
Carol: Right.<\/p>\n
Katie: So next time I\u2019m in a situation where I\u2019m looking at making a decision about a policy that I might have with Christie (our Publicist) and I\u2019m thinking in the back of my mind, \u201cOkay. I think I might change this a little bit. Certainly, she\u2019ll be okay with that.\u201d <\/em>I ask myself, \u201cWell, what would Ginger do?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\nCarol: Right.<\/p>\n
Katie: And I answer it myself with, \u201cShe would be very astute about not going forward until she\u2019d talk to Christie.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\nCarol: Right.<\/p>\n
Katie: That\u2019s the role modeling I\u2019m talking about.<\/p>\n
Carol: Right.<\/p>\n
Katie: That\u2019s it. So now, I act as if I am Ginger and following through on that. And Jen is good at it too. That\u2019s a compliment, Jen.<\/p>\n
Carol: So \u2013 Think, Say, Do.<\/em> Okay. So think and belief are the same. And just to clarify. Again, the more you can tell your brain that this is the way it is, your brain will believe you. And that\u2019s all it takes to get to the Say<\/em> and Do.<\/em><\/p>\nKatie: Yes.<\/p>\n
Carol: So it takes the belief first \u2013 the Think.<\/em> You have to have the thought.<\/p>\nKatie: Yes.<\/p>\n
Carol: The thought starts to process the Say<\/em> and the Do.<\/em><\/p>\nKatie: I think it can even be a desire like, \u201cI want to be better at being decisive.\u201d<\/em> But my belief system is, \u201cI\u2019m not very decisive. You know, I wiggle a lot of a lot of things.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\nCarol: Right.<\/p>\n
Katie: If I however \u2013 make a mental commitment, that I\u2019m going to be better at it, then that\u2019s going through my mind and I\u2019m thinking it. I’ve made a commitment to be better at it.<\/p>\n
The next step is saying it out loud or saying it over and over to myself out loud. It don\u2019t have to be\u2026<\/p>\n
By the way \u2013 What other great leadership technique works well here? Goal setting. Because the saying out loud<\/em> is a goal setting.<\/p>\nCarol: Yeah. And you\u2019re setting a goal to be better at something. So you don\u2019t have to do it right away. But what it does \u2013 is it brings it to you and you’ve identified a role model that you want to model yourself after. You identify that role model and you say, \u201cShe would do it this way. Therefore, that\u2019s what it\u2019s going to look like when I do it.\u201d<\/em> So I believe that. So I say it and I do it.<\/p>\nKatie: And I\u2019m going to make it happen.<\/p>\n
Carol: Yeah.<\/p>\n
Katie: To put this into action, not only do you think about the process of \u2013 Think, Say, Do<\/em>, in order to be better at a certain trait. But also, put it in some sort of a timeline. (That\u2019s part of goal setting as well.) Give yourself some sort of, \u201cWhat do I do first? What do I want to do next? What comes after that?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\nThere\u2019s another piece that comes in here \u2013 which is a mentoring that encourages that. Here\u2019s an example of that.<\/p>\n
When I first started teaching workshops publicly, (actually back up before that) I was \u2013 in my first career was an engineer. And the consulting firm that I eventually went on to work with quite extensively. The consulting firm was working with us. I was in their client base.<\/p>\n
So I was in a workshop with several other people and we were developing a newer team. (And it was really fun.) I adored this consulting company. I thought they were the neatest things since frozen peas.<\/p>\n
They were so good at what they did. And I watched these and happen to be three men. I watched them facilitate several workshops \u2013 teambuilding workshops and process improvement.<\/p>\n
And I was just like this (I was young) so I hadn’t seen a lot of that. But I was just an, \u201cAh!\u201d over what they did. They became my role models. But at the same time, my mentality was, \u201cThese guys are so good. I could never be that good.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\nWell, fast forward. A year later, they recruited me into their consulting firm \u2013 which was a huge compliment. And then, I had several mentors within that consulting firm that helped with, \u201cOh, you\u2019re good at this. Do this. That looks good.\u201d <\/em>And they gave me that positive feedback. So the feedback is almost like the Say<\/em> part \u2013 out loud from somebody else.<\/p>\nCarol: Nice to have that.<\/p>\n
Katie: Yeah. And that just moved everything forward.<\/p>\n
Carol: That\u2019s a wonderful example of identifying what a man looks like in that role model and then, what would a successful female leader look like \u2013 doing that same thing.<\/p>\n
Because it\u2019s not the same. And we talk about this all the time and I know people want to say, \u201cWell, it should be the same.\u201d <\/em>And it\u2019s just not.<\/p>\nKatie: It ain\u2019t the same. And it\u2019s not wrong. It\u2019s different.<\/p>\n
Carol: There\u2019s nothing wrong with it. It\u2019s just people expect something different from women. You can\u2019t be as command and control.<\/p>\n
Katie: Right. I have a different presence in a room than one of those principal\u2019s that was in there, one of those owners of the company, his name was Jim.<\/p>\n
Jim was the most composed, put together, impressive man and kind of soft spoken, but firm. And I would never really look like \u2013 and 6\u20193\u2019\u2019 or something. So I would never look like Jim.<\/p>\n
Carol: Right. You can\u2019t get there.<\/p>\n
Katie: So I would look different and many men would look different from that too. And I say, \u201cIt\u2019s not that all men are different than all women. It\u2019s that \u2013 most men are different in a certain way than most women.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\nCarol: Right.<\/p>\n
Katie: So we\u2019ve got our own little\u2026<\/p>\n
Carol: Genderalization.<\/p>\n
Katie: Yeah. We\u2019ve got our own little style and flavor.<\/p>\n
Carol: We do. And we talk about it all the time. We need to embrace our own feminine leadership traits and go with those.<\/p>\n
So again, if you\u2019re identifying a man that\u2019s your role model, just be sure that you do it a little bit different.<\/p>\n
Katie: And why we put that in there \u2013 was the caution of what we hear about so many women that get into leadership and take a nose dive because they change.<\/p>\n
Carol: Yeah.<\/p>\n
Katie: For those of you that are listening that don\u2019t know a lot about one of our philosophies. We believe that women\u2019s natural talents come shining through when they\u2019re most at ease.<\/p>\n
Carol: Yes. And we don\u2019t necessarily believe women are ease in kind of a commanding control situation.<\/p>\n
Katie: Right. What are you?<\/p>\n
Carol: I don\u2019t want to say commanding, but I am. I mean, I am a leader in a lot of different arenas and I take over in a lot of them just because I don\u2019t want to wait for things.<\/p>\n
Katie: You\u2019re impatient. You’ve told me that.<\/p>\n
Carol: Yes.<\/p>\n
Katie: But your command looks different than a man\u2019s command. That\u2019s the point.<\/p>\n
Carol: It does. And I\u2019ve got to say that I used to be less that way. And my command did look like a man\u2019s and people resented me for it. So now that I have taken on embracing my own feminine leadership style, I am no longer getting\u2026<\/p>\n
Katie: The kind of pushback you did?<\/p>\n
Carol: Yeah.<\/p>\n
Katie: Well, I want to say something about that \u2013 because I think that\u2019s the sign of emotional maturity to have changed that.<\/p>\n
Carol: Sure.<\/p>\n
Katie: I hear this a lot from not the woman that was promoted, but from somebody that is now under her. When women get promoted, many of them believe that, \u201cNow I\u2019m promoted, I\u2019m in a position of authority. I need to act like I\u2019m in authority.\u201d <\/em>And they take on \u2013 kind of a male persona.<\/p>\nCarol: Exactly.<\/p>\n
Katie: And I hear over and over again \u2013 how that just went down in flames.<\/p>\n
Carol: Well, I have promoted so many women and it\u2019s amazing to me. You promote them because they are team builders, they\u2019re great with people and then, you promote them and they become the whip snapper.<\/p>\n
Katie: They suddenly have to be different.<\/p>\n
Carol: Yeah.<\/p>\n
Katie: It ain\u2019t good.<\/p>\n
Carol: Well, it\u2019s just that we haven\u2019t really known how to model ourselves. Because the only role models we’ve had in those management arenas are male.<\/p>\n
Katie: Luckily, we\u2019re seeing more and more women that are in strong positions.<\/p>\n
Carol: We are. And unfortunately, a lot of them are getting some bad press about being just too strong leaders. And I don\u2019t mean \u2013 too strong of a leader. I mean, witchy, uncompromising.<\/p>\n
Katie: Yeah. Isn\u2019t that usually in their interpersonal communications?<\/p>\n
Carol: Yeah.<\/p>\n
Katie: Like I think of former Secretary of States several years ago \u2013 Condoleezza Rice. Who was (I don\u2019t know.) I might say she was kind of soft spoken. She wasn\u2019t loud. She was feminine. She was very steadfast in her opinions. (Of course, we\u2019re talking politicians now \u2013 so kind of.)<\/p>\n
Carol: Well, that\u2019s okay. I mean, that\u2019s a decent role model. I\u2019d love to be like Condoleezza Rice.<\/p>\n
Katie: Yeah, yeah.<\/p>\n
Carol: But you\u2019re right. She was very firm.<\/p>\n
Katie: She was firm without being bitchy.<\/p>\n
Carol: Right. Thank you for saying bitchy. That\u2019s the word I was\u2026<\/p>\n
Katie: We\u2019re not in primetime radio.<\/p>\n
Carol: That\u2019s true.<\/p>\n
Katie: So the \u2013 Think, Say, Do,<\/em> is a god way of getting to the role modeling. Our challenge to you might be \u2013 start someone that you\u2026 (Actually, I wouldn’t even say.)<\/p>\nWell, you could start with one of two things. What do you want to be better? What do you want to do differently? What do you want to tune up on? Or is there somebody that does something well?<\/p>\n
I actually like this for the second approach better. Is there somebody that does something well that when you see them do it \u2013 you\u2019re like, \u201cAh! Nice!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\nNow my guess is \u2013 that\u2019s tapping into something within you that you\u2019re wishing you had better. Like when you look at somebody that has a nice figure \u2013 you go straight to the part of their figure that you don\u2019t have so great.<\/p>\n
Carol: Yes, always.<\/p>\n
Katie: Like I would go to those thighs.<\/p>\n
Carol: I\u2019d go to the tummies. \u201cOh, man! She\u2019s got a flat tummy. I\u2019m so jealous. Oh, look at those firm thighs!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\nKatie: Well, we\u2019re a support role here for women.<\/p>\n
Carol: That\u2019s right.<\/p>\n
Katie: Because one thing that\u2019s different about women too \u2013 is we will talk about fashion, health, body, skincare, diet.<\/p>\n
Carol: All of it.<\/p>\n
Katie: All when we\u2019re talking about business.<\/p>\n
Carol: Role models.<\/p>\n
Katie: That\u2019s right. Anything else to add, Carol?<\/p>\n
Carol: So I\u2019d just say \u2013 We go into a little bit on the Tip Number 45<\/em>. But replicate what your role model would do. Use your voice and your words, but with the same intent and objective as your role model.<\/p>\nKatie: That\u2019s good. I\u2019d even go so far as to write it down \u2013 saying it out loud, writing it down. And you\u2019ll be on the path to greatness. We\u2019re just a little bit finer. You\u2019ll be a little bit finer woman.<\/p>\n
Carol: You are on the path to greatness.<\/p>\n
Katie: That\u2019s it.<\/p>\n
Carol: That\u2019s the affirmation.<\/p>\n
Katie: Good catch, Carol.<\/p>\n
Carol: Yeah.<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n[MUSIC PLAYS]<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n
That\u2019s it for this episode of Skirt Strategies<\/em> podcast.\u00a0 Thank you for joining us and don\u2019t forget to leave a comment at skirtstrategiespodcast.com.<\/a> Remember that success comes when you lead \u2013 using your natural female strengths.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n
[END OF TRANSCRIPTION]<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Katie and Carol talk about Tip 45 from their book Skirt Strategies: 249 Success Tips for Women in Leadership. Identify a role model to aspire to. If it is a man, identify what he would look like as a successful female leader and adopt those characteristics that impress you. Often the easiest way to see […]<\/p>\n
http:\/\/traffic.libsyn.com\/paththreellc\/041SkirtStrategiesPodcast.mp3<\/a><\/audio><\/div>Podcast: Download<\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[24],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4032","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-podcast"],"yoast_head":"\nIdentify a Role Model - Podcast 41 - Skirt Strategies<\/title>\n \n \n \n \n \n \n \n \n \n \n \n \n \n \n\t \n\t \n\t \n