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Katie and Carol talk about Tip 47: Do not expect something for nothing, Instant gratification is a curse of our society and Tip 48: Fix things without a fight from their book Skirt Strategies: 249 Success Tips for Women in Leadership. Diplomacy at work is critical if you want to get ahead. Listen to the podcast for tips on these critical diplomatic moves.
PODCAST TRANSCRIPTION
Hello and welcome to Skirt Strategies Podcast. The podcast for tips and techniques you can use to increase your confidence and project a powerful image to get the job that the client, the raise, or the promotion you deserve.
Carol: And here we are.
Katie: I’m versatile, I can jump in and do that. I can do whatever we’re talking about.
Carol: That’s right. So do you want me to tell you what we are talking about or do you just want to jump in?
Katie: I like you telling us.
Carol: All right. This week, we have tip # 47 from our book Skirt Strategies: 249 Success Tips for Women in Leadership.
Tip # 47 Do not expect something for nothing. Instant gratification is the curse of our society.
Katie: One of the curses.
Carol: I think we’re actually a very blessed society but there are some curses and one of them is that we expect things immediately.
Katie: Couple of the one, in fact these two tips that we offer up in Skirt Strategies book, that are good to know about including other kind of kooky little remainders or how to be happy-go-lucky type remainders. I think these two that we’re presenting today in #47 and #48 are really about where you have your mindset in interacting with those around you. Where is your philosophy of how people interact, how you should interact, what happens when people feel like they are ready to fight with you. I have a friend that is very good at reminding others of the value of instant gratification.
Example — Not giving into the first iPhone. The iPhone released the day that it comes out which I never ever, ever do that and it’s not because I’m delaying gratification. It’s usually because I’m too cheap to buy it. But I did buy this last one.
Carol: I was going to say Katie’s usually like that. She doesn’t get in the line early but she usually has the newest technology.
Katie: That’s not true though.
Carol: I think it is. I think you’re always technology.
Katie: What else would you say that I have?
Carol: You have …
Katie: See, you can’t come up with anything.
Carol: Your little i-book that I had to go buy one.
Katie: The Mac Air.
Carol: Yeah. The Mac Air.
Katie: The Mac Air I got pretty quickly. But I didn’t stand in line for it.
Carol: So it’s not instant gratification. That’s the early adoptive thing too. People want to be in early adopting. I don’t know.
Katie: It wasn’t delayed gratification either.
Carol: No, it was not. You did not. There is a difference.
Katie: I didn’t hold out. I guess if you’re in a mindset of everything we need is right now, because it’s new, it’s hot, and it’s good, what’s that do in the way that you interact with your employees or when put in other people?
Carol: Well, I’ve got to say that the instant gratification is something that you do have to pay attention to when you have Millennials working for you. They do expect gratification pretty quickly. You have to be there telling them they’re doing a good job often. They want to hear that from you. They want the backup from you. They want to know that what they’ve done is satisfying.
Katie: Doesn’t it give you a mentality of things get stale? If they’ve been around for too long, they get defined as stale. Doing something good in your office might be a good standard and many people look at it as, “That’s so last decade,” or rather, “What’s the next big thing that’s coming out?” Let’s say you give them the tools that they need. The apps or the Microsoft programs, or whatever is kind of hot out there that they’re like, “Oh I really need this.” or the new version of Outlook. They start to have that expectation. They start to have that expectation around, “I want to have everything that’s new and shiny and the best.”
Now what’s that just done? It’s set the standard for the good solid stuff being outdated instead of them accepting what is good. That to me is what their mentality is around instant gratification.
Carol: All right. Explain that a little bit more. We can talk in generational. I’m somebody who believes in instant gratification too. I don’t like to wait to buy something that I really want. I want to have it now. I don’t want to wait until necessarily I can afford it.
Katie: The tip is don’t expect something for nothing.
Carol: Yeah. That’s true.
Katie: Instant gratification tends to trigger that a bit. Don’t expect something for nothing. Too much is given to you in your lap. If too much is given to you without you having to earn it, you’ve got the mentality of entitlement.
Carol: Yeah. That’s even bigger. Entitlement is an even bigger thing. And you know, I’ve got to say my kids are kind of there with the entitlement thing. They think they, “Oh mom, I broke my iPhone. I need a new one.”
Katie: Right. Exactly.
Carol: It’s like, “I’m sorry you broke your iPhone. Figure out what you’re going to do.”
Katie: Okay. I’ve done an excellent job in teaching my children how cheap our family is. They do not ask me to get their iPhone fixed. They don’t ask me for money for the pedicures. If I say, “Let’s go and get a pedicure,” they’ll know I’m going to pay for it. But they’re scared to ask me anymore.
Carol: Interesting. I haven’t taught my kids that. Mine’s backfired on me, I’m sure. I don’t want them to be cheap and I try often to discipline. No, I’m not going to do that. They know that eventually they’ll get it out of me or their father.
Katie: Don’t they see kids, other friends of theirs that have what they need when they need it? Instant gratification and they think theirs is standard. So they start to feel a little bit? Mine do.
Carol: Yeah. Well, they do have definitely they have friends whose parents just fold their underwear.
Katie: I don’t get that. I just do not get that.
Carol: We were single mothers at one time and even when we’ve been married, we’ve had jobs, and I think our kids have had to deal with that. Our kids have had to fold their own clothes.
Katie: Those are my kids.
Carol: Yeah. Whereas I think there are other kids who have that done for them.
Katie: If I had all the resources and this of course are parallel with maybe how we would treat our co-workers and our employees, if I had all the resources in the world, would you throw everything at them?
Carol: Well, it’s a problem in our society and it is one that makes people expect something for nothing. I do think that it’s interesting.
Katie: The danger in it.
Carol: There is a huge danger in it and it’s not just generational but it has to do with the immigrant generation you come in on. So as an immigrant to the United States depending on how you got here…
Katie: You had to work for it.
Carol: That generation had to work very hard to move up in this world. They didn’t ever expect something for nothing. They worked for every penny they got. The next generation had it a little bit easier and then the generation after that completely forgot about working for everything. I see it just my first husband was a first generation in the country and he expected to come over here and work like mad in order to find the American dream and he did and still does. But his daughters, next generation, and of course me, I don’t know how many generations I am in, but quite a few, they don’t work quite as hard and they may see their parents working harder but they…
Katie: Little more entitlement.
Carol: Yeah.
Katie: Well, it’s the way it is around here. I know you’ve been here long enough and you feel like this is the way it is around here. Work places are the same way. Been around here long enough. This is the way it is around here. What do we have to do to get stuff done? What are some management ways of getting people out of the mindset of entitlement?
Carol: Wow interesting. Yes. What are management ways?
Katie: To me goal setting and strategic planning.
Carol: Yeah, sure.
Katie: Get people involved and the fact that here is where we want to go and it also exposes to them the challenges that there are so they don’t get complacent. They don’t get the sense of it’s just going to drop on their lap.
Carol: Right. I also like goal setting because that gets everybody on the same page for what we’re working towards and that there is work to do to get there.
Katie: Exactly.
Carol: Yeah. So yes.
Katie: Well let’s go on to the second tip which is
Tip #48: Fix things without a fight
Katie: More mental posturing. When people are upset about something they may have been prepared for a fight. It sets them off guard when they apologize. And if this person is a customer, you may even want to admit fault even if it’s not your fault. You never win a fight with a customer.
I use Oprah’s statement of “I would rather have peace than to be right.” There are lots of people that know how to sit back, not engage in a fight. So fixing things without a fight is a nice way of being able to get things accomplished without having to drag the relationship into it. Won’t you say?
Carol: Absolutely.
Katie: You’re good at that.
Carol: Well, I am and it comes from some training that I had earlier on. It was a customer service training.
Katie: You have to. You can’t fight with a customer.
Carol: Right, and of course, in the restaurant business all customers think they know more about your business than you do. I’m really glad I’m out of it now because more and more people think that they know, “Well you should know these things.” I had some customer service training earlier on and the best piece of advice I got is accept fault immediately. Even if you’re not at fault just do it and you throw somebody off. If you’re mad at me, and I say, “You know what, you are so right. I’m so sorry.” It disarms them. It stops them in their tracks. They can’t go on complaining because you’ve just said they’re right.
Katie: That’s just a tip to a “T.” Fix things without feeling like you have to make it a fight. And that’s a perfect way of doing it.
Carol: It’s okay to accept blame. Don’t worry about it. You can go home and mutter over in your mind how wrong that person was but how well you did it by saying they were right.
Katie: I think I’m constantly trying fix things without a fight at home.
Carol: I do. You’ve met my husband.
[laughter]
Katie: If you can bring up a fixing thing, just saying fixing makes it sound like something’s wrong with it right? So now you’re putting something out there that you’re admitting fault with. Maybe not him, you fought with him but it’s fought with something. Can you get into it and bring it up as this thing to work on, an issue to work on without it being an engagement?
Carol: Right. Without it being a fight.
Katie: We’ve actually got great material on that because giving people corrective feedback is important and being diplomatic with it, but also bringing it out in such a way where it’s about the thing. It’s not about the person. I use the visualization of having a couple of different, let’s say you’re trying to fix something with someone else and you’re face to face. If you visualize a face to face with someone, it looks like you’re getting in a discussion which literally means discuss the C-U-S-S, cuss.
Carol: And it’s usual. A cussing going on.
Katie: The cuss part means to hit. Percussion, concussion. The Latin root is to hit. So a discussion sound like people throwing word back and forth.
Carol: All right.
Katie: And if you’re face to face, there’s a tendency to make it. It’s kind of like – I know I use tennis a lot as an analogy but it looks like a tennis game where one person is throwing one way then the other goes back the other way and so it becomes this volley of words back and forth. But if you look at it, visualize instead, two people standing shoulder to shoulder and the problem instead is on the table in front of them, now it’s about how do we work on this together and that helps suggest your language because it keeps you from doing the “you.” It makes it more about the situation or we do this. For example, let’s say that someone’s customer service is a little edgy.
Carol: Lacking.
Katie: Lacking. They may have a little bit of a bitchy tone. I now run into women sometimes that have this. It’s an apathetic or bitchy tone or something that’s just like, almost condescending. If I were coaching that person and I was her boss, and I was face to face with her and I might say, “Jenny, you’re coming off too condescending.” That might work depending on Jenny’s mental state. She doesn’t want to…
Carol: Right, but if she’s condescending.
Katie: And I’ve just said you versus I. If I stand next to Jenny either figuratively or literally or both, stand next to her shoulder to shoulder and we look at each other, “Let’s talk about the customer service training that’s going on in the office” or “Let’s talk about how when someone comes into the store or the restaurant or wherever they are greeted.” Now it’s a passive thing instead of about Jenny, I can start to look at what’s going on with the way that you’re interacting in effective customer service.
Carol: I love that. I had not ever thought of that before. That’s a great tip to visualize even if you’re confronting somebody. You visualize them being on your side of this because they are.
Katie: Correct.
Carol: Because the goal we are trying to reach is this goal that’s out here. So let’s go for that goal but let’s do it this way.
Katie: Yes. Many people will see something physically between you. Like if there’s a desk or a counter, many people will see that as a mental barrier as well so there’s more like they have this visualization of it being a competition or a fight. A me versus you. They’re less likely to be confrontational or defensive when you take those sort of physical barriers out as well as the emotional or mental barriers.
Carol: The other thing that I think of when you fix things without a fight is listening. I you will listen to somebody who’s complaining. Listen to them deeply.
Katie: Okay.
Carol: And repeat back what they’re telling you, then they feel listened to and they’re much easier to deal with. In some cases, you can disarm them by saying, “You’re exactly right. I’m so sorry. What can I do to make this better?” But don’t do that too early. Make sure that you’ve listened to them. Maybe say back, “So what you’re saying is that you came in and you didn’t get greeted for 10 minutes. And then we finally sat you, we sat you at a dirty table, and I am so sorry. That’s completely our fault.” I’ll even go to the man and say, “That’s completely my fault. I obviously have not trained this staff well enough and therefore I take the blame for that. What can I do to make this better?”
Katie: So many people don’t do that though.
Carol: Because humanly, our human reaction to somebody calling you out, pointing a finger at us is to get defensive. If you can just get over that reaction, and in my case, I used to tell and I told all my employees this, “People come in to dinner because they’re hungry. And when people are hungry, they’re like little kids.”
Katie: Good point.
Carol: They are a little unnerved. They’re low blood sugar and you’ll see them. As a matter of fact the minute get their food they’re fine. So when somebody comes in like that…
Katie: Especially if you lace their food with little something.
[laughter]
Carol: But it’s interesting because it would always happen. We weren’t in one of those places where you could serve chips and salsa but I get why you do because that really calms people down. Now they’re more willing to take a break. I used to love back when they were smoking in restaurants. I’d love my smoking customers because they didn’t care when you got there. They’d just have another cigarette.
Katie: They didn’t have any taste buds left.
Carol: You are calm as hell you know.
Katie: That’s interesting. Completely true though. I could completely see that.
Carol: So fix things without a fight. Figure out how to do that but do it.
Katie: I was in a Walgreen’s the other day. I really wanted a flu shot. And when I walked in, I tell you the Walgreen’s at our neighborhood might be one of the busiest around. When I walked in, no one was in the building. No one was in there in the pharmacy. I kept standing. There’s almost always somebody standing. I waited 20 minutes. By the time I got my flu shot, there were six people in line. There were three or four people behind the counter and they could not get to me. I don’t mind that they were busy. I was so crazy busy that day. I don’t mind that they’re busy. I just want to be acknowledged.
I am careful about bringing it up anymore and this speaks to the situation about people being confrontational diplomatically. I don’t bring things up much anymore because, like you said, it’s almost always seen as something that makes them defensive. Because I’ve done so much customer service training and I want …
Carol: You want people to be aware of it.
Katie: I know that if I’m not doing it in a way that is diplomatic then hardly anybody else is. If anybody has the capability of doing it, I know I can. I sometimes ask myself, “Katie, what’s it going to take to give them a little bit of the feedback without being sarcastic?” Sometimes I’ll use a little bit of humor so that they’re noticing, “You know, I was here 20 minutes.” and I look at everybody in line, and I’m like, “Sorry, everybody. When I got here none of you were in line. I don’t know where you all came from.” And make it a little bit funny but turn back to the people that are behind the counter and say, “If it’s going to be much longer, I need to know. This is taking a lot longer than I would anticipated.”
Carol: Well, to me one of the tenets of customer service is that you inform people. I always used to say, “An informed customer is a happy customer.”
Katie: Give me information.
Carol: Give you information. “I’m sorry I’m waiting for one table to leave. It’s a table back in the back. I think you’ll be much more comfortable there. They’re about to leave.”
Katie: Now I’m more patient.
Carol: That way you can be patient and you can wait for that really great table or something. You know, “My bus person is cleaning up that table.” or “I’m sorry Ma’am, we are so shorthanded right now. We will get to you but it is going to be about 30 minutes. Do you want to come back? Or do you want to go shopping?”
Katie: Sometimes giving them your process can be really helpful. If Walgreen’s had let me know that there was glitch in getting my insurance card processed and she did say that at one point. But then she kind of disappeared and it looked she was doing some other job besides mine anymore. If she’s waiting for something to come through or she’s waiting for somebody else to free up so that person can give me the shot, I’m fine with that. Just let me know or I am standing there and they know someone’s standing at the counter. No one has even acknowledged that I’m standing there.
Carol: An informed customer is a happy customer.
Katie: So fixing things without a fight, how do you communicate in a way that lets people know that you want to work on it without it being confrontational or fighting.
Carol: If it’s a customer service situation, maybe you say, “I don’t want to sound like I’m complaining here, but I think you all need to know that your customer service is lacking and this is how I think its lacking. You’re not telling your customers what’s going on and therefore we sit here for 20, 30 minutes not knowing if you’re taking care of us. If you would just say, ‘I’ve got you. It’s going to be 20 minutes to process the flu shot and its going to be 20 minutes to process your…’ then I know. It’s going to be 40 minutes and that’s what I’m up for.”
Katie: That is an advanced skill which you just did.
Carol: Yeah I know. It shouldn’t be. It really shouldn’t be. Everybody should be trained to do that.
Katie: If you can stand in a way where the tone shows caring, but also not condensation.
Carol: Condensation?
Katie: Condescending.
[laughter]
Carol: Yes. Try not to sound condescending. And if somebody’s being condescending to you, just think that they’re hungry. They’re like a little kid.
Katie: Poor little lamb.
Carol: Yeah, they’re just ready to start crying and if you don’t get him fed soon or take care of him soon they’ll just, you know. Give them the benefit of the doubt too. If they’re complaining assume that there’s something going wrong with your customer service that needs to be…
Katie: Alert. Alert.
Carol: Yeah.
Katie: Those two tips, the ones we just covered,
Tip 47: Do not expect something for nothing, Instant gratification is a curse of our society and
Tip 48: Fix things without a fight do not expect something for nothing.
Both of those have to do with your mental posturing as you go out into anywhere interact with people and interact with key relationships, customers. If you’re a boss, those would be your direct reports. That mentality, the positioning is important. I want to say, when it’s positive, everything else becomes a little bit easier. Pollyanna here.
Carol: I’d do great. Pollyanna here is signing out.
Katie: It is proven that a positive mental posture is more likely to get you solutions, relationships built, creative problem solving. It opens up what is actually called broadening, a broadening effect where your mind has a better cognitive ability.
Carol: Yes, by staying positive?
Katie: Yeah.
Carol: Yes.
Katie: So both of these reflect on that.
Carol: We’re so glad you joined us for this episode of Skirt Strategies Podcast. We’d love to hear from you with questions or comments. Email us at info@skirtstrategies.com or interact with us on Facebook. Now more than ever, the world needs power, confident, female leaders. And that’s what we are.