Surrounded by the enemy? Lean in!
Recently I was introduced to someone who reminded me how two people might see the world so differently, but let me set the scene.
We were at the tennis courts at my country club, a place that you might guess was conservative and “clubbish.” Now, I lived my summers at a country club in the midwest, which I can definitely say was and probably still is pretty dang conservative, but the club I now belong to is in the Southwest (New Mexico) and not at all elitist or difficult to get into.
The man I was introduced to was gay and slightly tattooed, and I mean slightly. He mentioned that he moved here recently from San Francisco.
And then he made a comment that kinda surprised me. We had walked over to the pool area where there was quite a bit of activity because the weekly Friday night TGIF cookout was going on – lots of adult members, kids swimming, cocktails, etc. He said “Oh I am sure I stick out and that people are looking at me and wondering what I am doing here.”
Really? You think you are that much of a mis-fit for this environment? And if you think that, how uncomfortable you must feel!
But truthfully, it did not even occur to me that he would not fit in.
We don’t see things the way THEY are. We see things the way WE are.
I know there are times when a woman in a leadership or influential position feels like a fish out of water. But I also know that we often bring that upon ourselves.
Women do this all the time when we find ourselves outnumbered. In fact, any minority faces it. It’s a common human reaction reflected by survivability.
Ask yourself where any hint of low self-confidence stems from. Does reality send you messages, or are you indeed mentally sketching the scene around you to look more like a world against you?
My advice – observe yourself and your behavior in interacting with the surroundings. Does it look like you are withdrawing because your voice is simply a minor reflection of a bigger picture? What level of courage would it take to speak up or even take control of the direction of the group? Is that what is holding you back? Is there a fear that you may be making a fool of yourself if you “say too much?”
The term “Lean In” was coined by Sheryl Sandburg to reflect the figurative act of pushing into a situation when your hesitancy may have held you back. That’s not helpful for your leadership image, where the act of taking initiative would be a strong suit, despite the risk that may accompany it.
Go forth and make yourself known! What’s the WORST thing that could happen 🙂