Does Your Communication Need a Tune-Up

Communication – it’s right up there with world peace and motherhood. My mother used to tell me, “the best thing you can do for your marriage is COM-MUN-I-CATE!” This is the same woman that used to tell me to “use your indoor voice.”  I never understood what that meant. Indoor voice? Are you saying there is another voice in my head?

Communication is also, of course, the best thing you can do for your leadership style. Women’s communication styles span the extremes as much as any other gender (that would be male). I guess this is a gender-neutral tip, then.

Leading others, not to mention ourselves, seems to require an understanding of exactly what to do. You know – the operational aspects of a skill, or the how-to’s, or the 1-2-3’s. (cha cha cha) Humans are this way. I can tell you a concept, but what you really want is how to put it into play.  For those fans of mine, you know this is the way I deliver workshop training as well. I have a host of these in my cosmetic bag. (I think women in leadership should call their kit bag their cosmetic bag, don’t you?)

Here’s your instruction for the week, to improve communication and to have a healthier marriage. BTW – I better give my husband some credit for this one. He is the one that taught it to me.

Use this technique when you are leading others and don’t want to be rolling over them, or alternatively when you are deciding on a dinner destination with your spouse. This is an approach that invites participation.
The TELL-ASK Technique

Use this format:

a – begin with an observation or clear statement of your position (the TELL)
b – follow-up with an open question (the ASK)
Example:

a – I have noticed that we all are stressing over our workload.

b – What are some ideas you may have for how we can work better together to be more efficient and worry less?
Another example, excerpted from Dr. Holstead’s effective approaches to talking to your spouse.

 

a – I’d like to go to a steakhouse for dinner tonight.

b – Where would you like to go?
So simple! If you see yourself making too many of the decisions at work, or you tend to be directive rather than collaborative, try this out. Perhaps the only down side of it is a possible perception by others of waffling over a direction to go. Although that could happen, keep in mind that your summary step after this will need to be some sort of decision based on the response you get in step b.

See you at the steakhouse.

 

Skirt Strategies is launching a structured mentoring program for women. Visit www.SheMentors.com to help us out or to be a mentor or protégé.