Who ever said you had to trust EVERYONE you work with? And what about people that just rub you the wrong way?
Well there’s a whole workshop we have that addresses the building of relationships in the workplace, but if you are interested in what factors are at play that help build those connections, this video is for you. We highlight 7 of them that are indicators as to why a relationship may (or may NOT) be on the path to a trusting one.
PODCAST TRANSCRIPTION
(Music plays)
Katie: Hi, I’m Katie Snapp.
Carol: And I’m Carol White.
Katie: We are with Skirt Strategies. It’s time for your monthly video for women’s leadership skills.
Carol: And our topic this month is trust.
Katie: How not to.
Carol: Katie do you trust me?
Katie: I so trust you and I’m lying like crazy right now. No I trust you and you know there are aspects of trusting one another that come into play if you want to figure out how can I be better in the trusting relationship? How can I have higher trust built into my working relationships? What do you look for?
Some people think you either trust people or you don’t.
Carol: Well that is one of the seven and there are seven elements of trust.
Katie: Let’s share them.
Carol: I’m going to read them, trust me.
- Commonality.
- History.
- Non-conflicting goals.
- Style and versatility.
- Voluntary openness.
- Making and keeping agreements.
- Your gut.
Katie: So let’s go through all of them, just real briefly so we have an understanding.
So those of you that are subscribed members, you pay $8 a month and you know this is just a piece of the bigger picture. You get an assignment each week. It’ll be about trust this month, each week, a one page assignment and a short podcast.
We’d love it if you are a free follower, we’d love it if you signed up for eight bucks a month to do that. But let’s give everyone, free or otherwise, kind of a rundown of what those seven are because I love them.
Carol: Okay, number one, commonality. How does commonality have to do with trust?
Katie: So that means looking like somebody else has a lot in common with you, and that can be visual. It can be education. It could be a lot of things.
An example of that that I find myself doing and this is somewhat discriminatory, but when I’m out on the bike trail, I notice who I wave to and who I don’t wave to. The people that look like me, if you are just like me on the bike trail. Somebody that looks like a 17-year-old bearded man, hoodie, and part of that might be safety too but why would I wave at him? I actually find myself now waving at everybody because it’s really fun. Oh she’s friendly.
Carol: History, how does that have to do with trust?
Katie: History – where you’ve been with someone, historically –
Carol: Oh you have history with them so you know to trust them.
Katie: Water under the bridge, things happened that you have worked out or things that you haven’t worked out, you have had a chance to test one another’s trust.
Carol: Okay the next one is non-conflicting goals.
Katie: In workplaces sometimes you work with someone else that has a different objective that you; that has a conflicting objective. An example that I can think of, and this is in a corporate environment, the planning department has a different objective than the production department. Planning wants to save overhead, only have the amount of raw materials they need on the shelf – this is an engineer’s example, and production wants everything at the ready all the time so that they can go get it. They don’t want to wait for parts. So two different objectives and sometimes that runs you up against conflict and lack of trust.
Carol: So if your goals conflict then –
Katie: You are more likely to mistrust one another.
Carol: Style and versatility.
Katie: The way that you influence others.
Carol: Personality styles.
Katie: I don’t call them personalities because I tend to think of personalities as having values and other motivators but just the way that you influence and motivate others can be an indication of who you are and how you like to get things done. If I see that in someone else, I connect with it. It’s a piece of commonality is really what it is.
It also means that if you do something in a style that is different than the way I would do it, for example, as an expressive how might an analytical do something? Slow, methodically based on data, and I might do it completely opposite based on no data.
Carol: And they probably would mistrust the fact that you didn’t have –
Katie: Because they think I was squirrely. They think that all the time.
Carol: Something people think about Katie.
Voluntary openness.
Katie: Have you ever shared anything with your folks, people you work with or work for you, that showed vulnerability or transparency?
Carol: Yes.
Katie: Why did you do that?
Carol: You know I do think that it gains you trust. You’ve told them something and then they feel more like they can trust you.
Katie: That’s it exactly. You wouldn’t want to do it manipulatively, but if you consider those folks that have shared something with you, you are like, “Wow, that was really open for that person to say.” It makes you believe, “Wow they are transparent with me. They must not be lots that they are hiding.”
Carol: Well and they must trust me so maybe that gives me good reason to trust them.
Katie: It’s a great leadership technique.
Carol: Making and keeping agreements.
Katie: At the core of building a long term relationship that leads to trust, because you can’t just get there, is the first actionable skill – in communication really, and it’s a discipline, make and keep agreements. The more you make and keep agreements, the more you’ll have a trust building relationship with someone else.
Carol: Sure and that is really basic. You know it is as basic as being on time. Saying you are going to be there and being on time. That starts the trust relationship.
Katie: It does but you know what else with it, it seems so simple, it’s one of those simple but not easy things, it takes a huge amount of self-discipline, self-awareness, knowing that I said this thing and I meant this other thing. I should have clarified it later on. That’s okay. And then they take it the wrong way and next thing you know, you’ve got missed expectations and then just through the course of not communicating well, someone thought you were doing one thing and they saw you do another. That leads to mistrust.
Carol: Okay then number seven is gut.
Katie: It’s a gut instinct. Nothing ladies, can surpass that intuition feeling of, it just doesn’t seem right.
Carol: Should I trust this person?
Katie: Something’s just not right about him or I’m not sure that what she says she really means. So we pick up sometimes on verbals and non-verbals and we can’t put our hands on them –
Carol: But there is a point where you really should trust those things. Maybe that guy is selling snake oil? It feels like it. So trust your gut.
Katie: I recommend you look at, when you have that gut feeling, look at the other seven items and identify, is it something about their style? Is it something about where we’ve been together historically? Is it something about commonality or lack of commonality? Maybe you are not giving the person a fair shake because you are calling judgments in, in your own head. So you can use the six, if you get that 7th feeling of intuition of that ain’t such a good feeling in the gut.
Carol: All right so that’s the seven elements of trust and we appreciate you being here with us.
Katie: We always do. Oh Skirt Strategies– follow us monthly and make sure that you are on our email list. We’d love to have you follow us.
Carol: Catch our podcast on SkirtStrategiepodcast.com.
Katie: And iTunes for those iTunes fans. And until the next month, we’ll see you again and you will be trusting the world so much better.
Carol: Oh absolutely.
Katie: Have a good one.
(Music plays)
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