Learning to manage change with poise and confidence – you either got it, or you waffle. Think of those times when you have been composed and “in the flow.” What is it about that situation that worked for you.
Confidence is the memory of success.
With simple techniques for self-management, we can give you the encouragement you need for a change situation. Hang on, Sista! We are here for you!
More in the video!
If you are into the podcast approach, you may be interested in listening our podcast series where we banter on all the wee little nuggets of the topic.
At Skirt Strategies we focus on a different leadership goal each month, providing a training tip via video and weekly training assignments for subscribed members.
PODCAST TRANSCRIPTION
Katie: Hi! Welcome to the Skirt Strategies.
Carol: Welcome! I’m Carol.
Katie: And I’m Katie.
This is an online video tip for women in leadership.
Carol: Yes it is.
Katie: You seem surprised.
Carol: No. I don’t know. Sorry, that was not my…
Katie: That was a good one. “What?” Yes, and you’re going to be talking in a moment too.
Carol: We’re doing that now?
Katie: We’re doing that right this minute. I love this topic.
Carol: And the topic is?
Katie: The topic is Fearless Transitioning.
Carol: There’s so much fear in transition. I know we’ve got an outline here of how we’re going to get you through it.
Katie: Right.
Carol: Fearlessly with tons of courage…
Katie: Without medication.
Carol: So follow along.
Katie: Although if you are on medication, do not stop it.
Well, when transitions occur – they can be big, they can be small. Have you ever been in the middle of one and you looked at it in hindsight and it seemed like a big deal that it was?
Carol: Oh, yes. I think all transitions…
Katie: Seem like a bigger deal?
Carol: Seem like a bigger deal in hindsight. While you’re going through them, they’re not easy.
Katie: Although, I would always argue that big ones – like life changes, like a divorce or… You go through day by day – you’re almost in the sense of, “I don’t believe it’s happening to me.”
But you manage it day by day. And then you look back on it at some point and it’s bigger than you thought because you just have to focus on – day by day.
Carol: Sure. So you’re getting through it on a daily basis.
Katie: Yeah. That might be more like tragedy or… That’s your body’s way of coping.
But for our everyday lives – both personal and professional, we go through transitions that require us to be resilient, require us to have our wits about us.
And really, there’s a part of it that you cannot avoid going through. There’s the phases of change that you cannot avoid going through. But you can make them progress faster or you can minimize your reaction.
Carol: You can get through them faster and easier if you’ll do these things.
Katie: If you’ll do these simple things.
So the first one – is to identify what it is, name it.
Carol: Identify the transition you’re experiencing.
Katie: Yes.
Carol: So whatever you’re experiencing, name it. I mean, you think about it – a big transition would be changing jobs.
“I just lost my job so I’m going to be changing jobs.” That’s a big one and I’ve named it.
Now I know in my soul, in my heart that this is the transition I’m going through – and I’m going to take these steps to make it easier.
Katie: Good. Naming it is a huge thing.
I think we’re reactive to things that are actually forcing us into a change that we don’t quite know we’re having this. For example; Getting a new boss.
Carol: Oh, yeah.
Katie: That is forcing you to go through a transition of your own – a learning curve, a learning curve for him or her, a learning curve for you.
Carol: And you may have a lot of anxiety around it. You really don’t know what the anxiety is from.
But in fact, you name it – “I’m getting a new boss. That’s making me anxious. It’s a transition. Here’s what I should do.”
Katie: It certainly helps.
Carol: Right.
Katie: If you can put some sort of a label on your reaction to that – is it resistance, is it anger, is it fear, is it lost, is it frustration, is it on…? Any of those things will help you get your hands around it. So label it, give it a name.
Carol: Nice. Okay.
Katie: So that first step – kind of identify what the changes and how you’re reacting to it.
Number two – Understand that change has cycles, ups and downs.
Carol: Right.
Katie: Is it something that feels like it’s getting worse – before it gets better?
Carol: Right. And keep in mind that it always gets better.
If you look at your life and look at the past and where you’ve gone through transitions – yes, there was a dip, but it always got better.
So you have something to look forward to – as you go through that dip, you know it’s going to get better, right?
Katie: Are we going to talk about the dips in our lives?
Carol: I really can’t go there. He may be near.
Katie: Yes. He probably didn’t like to be called a dip.
Carol: Just kidding.
Katie: That’s the past – we’re talking the past, nobody present.
Carol: Yeah, yeah.
Katie: Understanding those cycles that change, ups and downs – it can be stable. Of course, when you’re stable, it doesn’t feel like you’re going through a change, but that is a reaction or an indication of finally getting change – is that level of stability.
Next – Label the negative. Label what it is that resistance is about. And I mentioned a couple here – lost, frustration, disorientation, lack of clarity.
Focusing just on the negative part – because generally, what we do when we push back and change – is say, “This is what’s being done to me.” And it’s the negative.
Carol: Right. And so in this – let’s say I’m getting a new boss. What would labeling the negative?
It wouldn’t be what we talked about – as identifying the transition you’re experiencing. It’s more – labeling what could happen.
So, “Oh, I might not be able to keep my schedule. I might not be able to keep doing what I’m doing that I really enjoy. They might want to…”
Katie: Right. I think that would be a fear – a fear of expectations of a new boss. Somewhere in there – maybe a loss.
“My last boss was really good at giving me feedback. My last boss made sure that I was on a growth ladder so that I could eventually be promoted. I’ve just lost that.”
So instead of seeing what’s in front of you as possibly positive – you’re seeing it as first off – how it’s affecting you personally and what the loss is.
Carol: And what the negative.
Katie: Boy! Being able to identify that is super important. And I’ll tell you – that’s a sophisticated step. Some of us have to step…
Carol: It is – when we’re tied up in the emotion, we’re tied up in the feelings about this and we can’t necessarily label it because it’s very fresh, it’s very there.
Katie: Yeah.
Carol: So get yourself to a point where you can label it. Do some journaling if it helps.
Journal about how this is all making you feel and why you think it’s making you feel that way. Journal the negative and then…
Katie: And then at the very end, we’re going to accentuate the positive. We’re going to end with confidence.
Put your best step forward. Look at how you’re handling it in a graceful, positive way. Flip around the negative into something that’s a potential. How could it look?
Carol: Right. So look at all those negative things that you’ve written in that journal and say, “Okay. So what are the positives here? What could happen if everything went right?”
Katie: And I will say – sometimes it feels like it is the biggest step to take something from negative to positive.
My advice to you is – Can you take it from negative to neutral? Can you just go as far as neutral and let it flow?
Carol: Well, you know – I think one of the biggest horrifying things that happen in anybody’s life is maybe a divorce. I mean, obviously death is something else, but a divorce is very difficult to take.
We’ve both been through divorces before. And in the middle of it – you can’t really find the positives.
So if you can get to the neutrals and know that in the end – it’s better. Katie and I – are living proof of that.
Katie: I killed my ex though. No, I did not. And we’re not advocating that.
Carol: No, we’re not.
Katie: Please do not send letters.
Alright! I love those. There’s really five phases of that.
- Identify the transition you’re experiencing and your reaction to it (which we’ll come back to.)
- Understand that the cycles of change exist – the ups and the downs.
- Label that negative. I would guess that you’re dealing with it negative (although a lot of people go right to the positive.)
- Position the positive for outcomes. How can you turn around and make it positive?
- And then end with confidence.
Katie: I think that’s a great list.
Carol: I think we should end there.
Katie: I love that!
Carol: With confidence.
Katie: Thanks ladies! And if you’re a follower of ours – you know because you get our emails regularly.
If you’d like to get emails on a weekly basis and be held accountable to small, tiny trainings and big results for your change – going through changes and being a better leader or just managing yourself better, please be a part of our subscribed membership – we’d love to have you.
Carol: Send this video to a friend who might need it.
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