It’s a drag that the last thing you are in the mood for during a stressful situation is being adaptable. AND it’s probably the best thing to do.
So … we review a few of the tactics that you can take to be responsive to others, smoothing out the situation. Specifically, how to adjust your assertiveness style depending on your natural posture, as well as who you may be conflicting with.
Then, and only then, will we propose that you bring out the gloves and start the fight. (okay, not s’much really fighting, but engaging in a smart way, girlie)
Our conflict management tips are delivered via video blog. Hear Katie and Carol blab just a bit on best approaches to flexing in conflict.
PODCAST TRANSCRIPTION
Katie: Hi! Welcome to the Skirt Strategies.
Carol: I’m Carol.
Katie: This is Katie and this is a Hot Flash – which is our monthly leadership topic for women – to give them something tactical to be better female leaders naturally.
Carol: And we are coming to you from…
Katie: Mandalay Bay in…
Carol: Las Vegas Nevada at the ISPA Conference.
Katie: That’s the International Spa Association.
And we were invited here. We spoke to day and we talked about women’s leadership. And what did we talk about? Gender balance workplaces.
So we had a great time. It was terrific.
Carol: We did. It was fantastic and what a cool expo.
Katie: Yeah, really, really cool. So we’re getting some free samples here.
But we wanted to come from being out there in the world with lots of other women and men here, certainly – to talk about this month’s leadership tip which is – Flexing in Conflict with an Emphasis on Versatile.
Carol: Being versatile.
Katie: And when I say versatile – I have my own definition of it.
So I will share that with everyone – then we’ll leave you with a few more specifics around it.
And those of you that are monthly subscribers – know that we will go more into detail with your weekly assignments.
Versatility is defined as the degree to which you are seen by others. So it’s perception, right?
Carol: Okay.
Katie: The degree to which you are seen by others as meeting the needs and expectations of others.
Carol: Okay.
Katie: Meeting needs and expectations.
Carol: That’s versatility. It just seems so…
Katie: Well, it’s my definition.
Carol: Okay, okay.
Katie: It seems so – what?
Carol: Meeting the needs of others. It sounds a little doormat-ish.
Katie: Oh, okay.
Carol: Okay. But fine! It’s versatile. You are versatile – if you can meet the needs of others.
Katie: Well, think about it in a conflict though.
Carol: Okay.
Katie: What happens in conflict – is you’ve got to appease the other. Well, appeasing is one approach – I suppose.
Carol: Well, it’s another doormat approach.
Katie: We all know it is. Okay. Maybe you just need to console them and shut them up.
Carol: No. Okay. So you have a methodology here – (and I’ll shut up for a second) because you do…
Katie: The topic of the month – this meeting is flexing in conflict.
Carol: Yes.
Katie: So it’s not killing other people in conflict – it’s actually flexing. So how can you be versatile? So we’ll just talk about that little piece of it.
And then, you may choose not to be flexible, you may choose to do other things – like be autocratic and tell people to shut up and lock up.
But if you want to be versatile, meet the needs and expectations – one area that you can do it – is looking at the way in which they assert themselves and you can adapt to that.
Carol: Right.
Katie: So you’re meeting the needs and expectations based on how they are getting themselves asserted.
Shall I say more? Certainly.
Carol: Katie. Notice my lost for words.
Katie: People assert themselves through one of two different extremes. And it’s actually a continuum because we’re humans, right?
Carol: Right.
Katie: They either do it through telling or they do it through asking. And many of us… all of us actually – or somewhere along that continuum.
Carol: Yeah.
Katie: So let’s say that you are at one end – which is the tell assertive person. You’re the type of person that gets done what you need through being – maybe autocratic, I mean, direct.
Carol: We would call it direct.
Katie: You’re probably outspoken. You probably speak more empathically. You probably don’t have to be that you might be a little louder. You probably talk a little faster. That’s the tell communicator.
Carol: Okay.
Katie: The other end of the spectrum is the ask communicator – someone that gets things done through questions. And it can be just as effective – by the way.
Carol: Or just as annoying.
Katie: They do it through asking. They’re more indirect. They might say, “Hey. What do you think about this?” They have a lot of conditionals that they speak on.
With women – we actually coach a lot of women to be careful about the ask approach because it can sound too wishy-washy and women have trouble being decisive.
Carol: Right. Sure. Looking decisive – not being decisive.
Katie: Yes.
Carol: I think we’ve very good at deciding and being decisive, but we don’t always look that way because we’re asking other people.
Katie: Yeah. I would agree with that.
Carol: Nothing completely wrong with that. And I’ve got to say – I’m more on the ask end of that spectrum that I am on the tell end.
Katie: And what do you think I am?
Carol: Katie, let’s think.
Katie: And remember, there is no wrong place to be.
Carol: Right.
Katie: However, being low versatile, not adaptive – is not good.
Carol: Right.
Katie: Anyone can become higher versatility – anyone.
Someone that tends to be really, really, really tell and not adaptive, not versatile – can be hugely difficult. I mean, that’s a dictator.
Carol: Yeah. And that is dealing with difficult people.
Katie: Yes.
Carol: Yeah. That’s a different topic – by the way.
Katie: Yes. Someone that is way on the extreme of being asked, mousy, indirect, everything is conditional…
Carol: Right – doormat.
Katie: And not adapting, not versatile – is not going to be effective either.
Carol: Right.
Katie: So the point being – you can be effective anywhere. You definitely want to be adaptive and versatile.
Carol: Right – in everything.
Katie: Right. So in conflict – that’s kind of our lesson for this video.
In conflict – understanding how you are being versatile to adapt to the needs and expectations of others. It’s really pretty critical and it’s really super important.
Carol: Got it.
Katie: One of the rules of versatility – versatility encourages versatility.
Carol: Oh, nice. Yes. Have you ever really noticed how versatile I am?
Katie: Actually, I think you’re very easy to get along with. So I think that’s probably from your versatility.
Carol: But I discovered in my life – I was not always that versatile one, I was not always that easy to get along with. I’ve discovered in my life that it really does encourage others to be versatile.
Katie: Yeah. Well, those of you that are stubborn – maybe it works for you.
But I have found that when you dig your heels in and resist somebody else and adapt into their needs and expectations – it tends to backfire and you may get temporary commitment.
Carol: Yes.
Katie: But you really don’t get somebody that’s going to long term comply with you and buy in you. I mean, you’re really just demanding – I guess.
Carol: It is temporary.
Katie: So versatility encourages versatility.
As humans, we respond to others that are trying to be helpful back to us.
Carol: Good, good.
Katie: Should we leave it at that?
Carol: Let’s do.
Katie: Lots of other conversations to have about this.
Those of you that are monthly subscribers for $8 a month – you are a faithful followers and you know that you get in your inbox every… actually comes Sunday night, but it’s the Monday morning detox – a small piece of training around each of these areas. And this month is about versatility and flexing in conflict. You’ll get more and you’ll get a small assignment.
If you’d like to join that tribe of folks for $8 bucks and get a small piece of training and a leadership assignment – please do.
That’s all for us! Hope you had a good one!
And we’re going to go sit in some sort of a lounge spa and get our feet rubbed.
Carol: That’s right.
Katie: Got to go.
Carol: Bye.
Katie: Bye.
[END OF TRANSCRIPT]