It’s not unusual to question yourself occasionally, right? Self doubts are normal. But why is it that women take it to a different level more often? Something about not being good enough, or feeling outnumbered, or just being way too affected by the bad-hair-day. Argh.
We have all sorts of techniques for you to try on. And it’ll fit you well, doll face. You rook mahvelous!
PODCAST TRANSCRIPTION
Carol: Hi! I’m Carol.
Katie: Hi! I’m Katie.
Carol: And this month – we are bringing you a fabulous topic. Something that women struggle with all too often and really need help with. And what is that topic, Katie?
Katie: “Fear and Self-doubt.”
Carol: Do you have any of that?
Katie: No.
Carol: Not at this?
Katie: Yes – everyday. I’m too scared to admit it.
Carol: Wait. Let me waffle on that.
Yes, everybody does – even men do. And we know that. But I think women struggle with it even more.
Katie: I think women struggle with it more because we’re often in a male dominated workplace – we were outnumbered and you second guess yourself.
Carol: I can see…
Katie: I know not all of us do that – and I know there’s times when you and I absolutely blow through something with a lot of confidence.
But there’s just enough times where you think, “What is holding me back? Why am I second guessing myself and what do I do to pull myself out of it?”
Carol: Oh! And there are so many great things that you can do to pull yourself out of fear and self-doubt.
Katie: Vacations.
Carol: Not vacation, Katie.
I’m reading a great book right now. It’s called – The Charisma Myth. It is how anyone can master the art and science of personal magnetism. And it’s by – Olivia Fox Cabane.
I’ve got to say – she just really pulls it all together in a way that women can really understand how to bring charisma into your life.
Katie: It’s a magnetizing book. So you recommend it?
Carol: I highly recommend it for anybody. Because even if you’re not looking to be a very charismatic figure, it just gives you some real tricks of the trait to deal with fear and self-doubt.
Katie: Have you gotten far into it to have your favorite trick so far this year?
Carol: Oh, nothing comes to mind, but I’ll tell you that I’ve been listening to it all weekend. I listened to it twice this week – going into really specific meetings.
So Wednesday I had a speech to do and I listen to it going into that and everything she was saying was really prepping me to be inspirational for that speech.
Katie: It’s all worth for that.
Carol: And this morning – Katie and I were on a radio show here.
Katie: And you were very charismatic.
Carol: Well, we were on this show and I thought, “Well, I’m going to listen to it on the way.”
And she started talking about some downer things and how people really get themselves into the downs on kind of the same thing – fear and self-doubt.
Katie: Aha.
Carol: Luckily – before I got to the radio station, she brought everybody out of that again with an exercise.
Katie: She did it on a positive note.
Carol: Yeah. I drove her on a couple of test to see the positive note. But a really great book – and what do you have for us?
Katie: Well, I’m thinking about what happens with your self-talk.
Carol: Yes.
Katie: Self-talk – we all have it. And if you don’t have it, you’re in denial, but the conversation that you have for yourself.
The older you get, the more conscientious you become of it – I think. And you don’t have to be old to become conscious of it.
But I do think that there’s an aspect of it – that when you pay more attention to it, you get better at managing it and neutralizing it and redirecting it.
Carol: Right. Okay.
Katie: So that situation happens when you can neutralize it and redirect it. It’s like – “Oh my, gosh! This is so much better.”
Carol: Yes.
Katie: Because if you’re in middle of fear and self-doubt, it doesn’t feel like there’s any way out of it.
Carol: Yes.
Katie: It feels like it’s kind of a dead end. It’s like, “Oh, it’s not going to get any better.”
Carol: And it’s spiraling downwards and you can’t spiral yourself back up.
Katie: Exactly. So there’s another technique that we use in a lot in public speaking industry which is called – “Fake it to make it.”
Carol: Sure.
Katie: “Pretend like you know what you’re doing.”
Carol: And they’ll believe you.
Katie: You pretend like you’re confident. And as a leader, this is a great technique.
As a leader – when you are confident in yourself, it shows. If you’re not confident in yourself, but you show to others that you could be confident in yourself and you fake it, others see that in you.
And if you can gain just a little bit of self-confidence for others to see confidence in you – you start reading in them the feeling that, “Oh, she’s confident. Therefore, I’m confident in her.”
Carol: Right.
Katie: And that – as you observe that in others, it becomes reinforcing. And now to make it – actually really works. Swing with it for just a little bit and you become confident.
Carol: And there’s actually a study that showed… (I think it was college students because that’s who we study now.) They were told to just make really confident gestures.
Katie: Yeah.
Carol: So their gestures were, “Oh! Yeah, I know what I’m doing.” Put your feet up on the desk – right before they went in for an interview.
Katie: Right.
Carol: And this made them more confident in the way they help themselves in the meetings and it was noticeable.
Katie: Could that be seen as arrogant?
Carol: No. Because when they came into the meeting, they were a little bit nervous about the interview.
But what they were doing was – just before the interview, they were taking these grand postures and these big postures. And then the minute they went into the interview…
Katie: Oh, I see.
Carol: There is a book – and I’m trying to think which one because I’ve read quite a few of them about the happiness advantage and some of those…
Katie: Yeah. Okay.
Carol: I don’t think it was happiness advantage – where this was the experiment, but it was along those same lines.
So make grand gestures before you get out of your car or…
Katie: That seems unusual for a woman, but…
Carol: If it works, go.
Katie: Sometimes we hold in our body – meekly. We don’t know that we’re doing it.
Carol: Yes.
Katie: Kind of like when we talk about – “Take a seat at the table.”
Carol: Right.
Katie: That’s an active confidence. Go to the tables, sit up front. Act like you know what you’re doing. All it is – is taking a seat. It’s not like you’re saying you have the answer in the world. God!
Carol: This is perfect.
Katie: All night long – we’re going to talk about fear and self-doubt.
If you are a subscribed member – $8 a month, (you know who you are) you get a weekly assignment – more along the same sort of line. So if you like this, we urge you for a small paltry – $8 a month.
You’ll get a one page PDF – a work page assignment, as well as a short podcast – about 5 or 6 minutes and some planning time from Carol and me.
We’d love that. We’d love that if you follow us. If you’re a free follower, make sure you’re on your email list. Subscribe to our podcast at iTunes or at skirtstrategiespodcast.com.
Carol: That’s right.
Katie: That’s a different podcast. That’s a long one.
Carol: That is a long free one.
Katie: What are we doing? The long ones are free?
Carol: Well, but the…
Katie: Tell it to our accounting department.
Carol: The marketing department might need some talking to you too.
Katie: We’ll talk to them. They’re in the other room right now.
Carol: Yeah.
Katie: We’ll talk to you next month and we’ll talk about more skills for making you a fabulous female leader. Bye now.
[END OF TRANSCRIPT]