Those people! You know – those difficult ones. Even those that are not cranky, but just critical. They may be an important factor in your success – like an outside lever that helps you look good. You’d better be effective at making the relationship work.
We all live in a world where others hold some of the influence in our outcomes. Connect better with them, and you’ve automatically built your success.
We don’t always select the characters with whom we must work. For some, it is a matter of tolerating (a test of your sanity!)
As women, we have a natural capacity to read others. And we can take a bland interaction into a more dynamic one simply by sending the message that we want to connect more deeply.
All relationships, difficult and manageable ones, have the potential to be productive, as long as we decide we will lean into them. That requires being an excellent connector, and an excellent listener. In particular, drive to discover the following pieces of the other person’s interests:
- What he needs
- What he values
- What he expects
More on how to build a relationship, set expectations, or deal with difficult people that you “value,” when Katie and Carol talk about Critical Relationships in the video blog, full of insights and tips, in brief fashion. (We know you’re crazy busy – we talk fast!)
The HOT FLASH VIDEO (don’t even ask why we named it that) is a Video Blog that covers women’s unique leadership and self-management issues. Watch it to listen in on our gabbing, hopefully the kind of discussions to which you can relate.
You also may be interested in the Podcast to Establish Strong Relationships at Work.
PODCAST TRANSCRIPTION
Katie: Hi! Welcome to Skirt Strategies. This is your training tip for the month – via video.
Carol: I’m Carol Wight.
Katie: And I’m Katie Snapp. The topic that we’ve chosen for February happens to be – “Building Relationships.”
Carol: And that’s because?
Katie: Valentine’s Day is in this month.
Carol: That’s right.
Katie: Isn’t that clever of us?
Carol: And I haven’t read just for that.
Katie: Let’s talk first about you as a successful businesswoman – regardless of what your environment is and how critical those around you are. That’s a statement about relationships – the importance of them.
And the following question is – “What do you do about it? How well do you assess it? Do you know what’s going on? Do you build those?”
Carol: And the biggest, most important part is your success. Because really – relationships relate directly to your success in anything you’re doing – whether you’re an entrepreneur or somebody in business.
Katie: Yup. It’s what makes things happen.
Carol: It is.
Katie: Working with other people – they look out for you, they do things for you, they interact with you.
So here’s my first challenge to the viewers.
If I had to ask you who’s in your sphere of influence, who are your touch points that you interact with – that you’d say we’re probably critical or at least, really important to you getting your job done – you being successful and getting your job done? Who would those be?
I would say that’s an inventory. There should be a list that you could create of – what are those five or six or ten people.
Carol: Right.
Katie: And then if I ask you to look at those ten people, would you say that the relationship is healthy in all of them? Would you rank them on a scale of 1 to 10? How are they doing?
It leads to the insight that – “You know what? We’ve got these really critical relationships and I’m not sure I put enough effort into making sure that they work right.”
Carol: “Maybe I need to do a little more here, a little less here and be very conscientious of it. And maybe I need to send a thank you note.”
Katie: Whatever it might be.
Carol: Right.
Katie: And our new book – by the way, is filled with ideas for items like that, for maintaining those relationships.
Carol: It is.
Katie: So let’s say that Carol was in my sphere of influence. And you are anyway – one of my critical relationships. And we have interactions – pretty much on a daily basis.
I might ask myself for this assessment for February. I might ask myself, “Let’s take her as one person. The relationship is pretty healthy I’d say. How well do I know what Carol’s values are?” – The one’s that apply at work – because I don’t need to know whether you believe in basket weaving on the weekends or not.
Carol: Alright. Okay.
Katie: “How well do I know what’s important to you?”
Carol: Right. And as far as getting things done and how I work.
Katie: “How well do I know what you expect of me? And how good are you at asking me what I expect of you?” Which is just kind of the other way around.
Carol: Well, I’ve said this before. Katie is really good about having this conversation. And it is the conversation about expectation.
“Okay, here’s my expectations. What are your expectations? And are we meeting them together?”
What a fabulous conversation. I’ve never had that with another person. And Katie does this pretty regularly. It’s a check in that we do and it keeps us going in a good direction.
Katie: I determine it as the most underutilized conversation in the workplace. Well, actually – probably in life as well too.
Carol: It is.
Katie: You do pretty well with your spouse.
Carol: Do this with your husband every now and then too. Check in.
One thing I want to talk about relationships is – every job I’ve ever had has come to me because of a relationship that I’ve built. Not necessarily because I sat across a table in an interview. It’s because I volunteered for positions on non-profit boards and became the executive director eventually – of those boards because people say my work ethics, they saw that I was willing to do the work, understand the work…
Katie: See you in action.
Carol: And this is a fabulous way to build your credibility. But be sure that if you’re going to be on a non-profit board and you say you’re going to do something – you do it, you get it done.
Katie: You got to do it.
Carol: And people look at you – Okay, and there’s other people on these boards that have the ability, the higher and networks and everything else.
Katie: Networks, right.
Carol: So you can go back to them and ask them. “You’ve seen me work. Do you have any availabilities or do you think somebody else does?”
Katie: So as a last point – because this kind of draws it all back to why it’s also very valuable for you.
Having that conversation with people or initiating what’s important to you or what you expect of me – sends a message immediately to them that you’re on the top of your game with managing conversations you’re a good communicator, you’re a good relationship builder and it’s just is the icing on the cake for that – “Hey, she’s a good strong leader.” And hey, you happen to be a woman.
Carol: So you are.
Katie: Yeah. So that’s redundant.
Carol: That was redundant.
Katie: Thanks so much! Have a great month!
Carol: Wait. I have to tell them about the fabulous new assessment that we have on the website.
Katie: Online. Okay.
Carol: Or you tell them?
Katie: Well, online this month – we are premiering an online assessment for you to take. “16 Feminine Leadership Skills” and you’ll get a rating from them – based on where you come across in what we call – Our Intuition Model.
You’ll excel in one of four quadrants. We will send you a report. All this is free, but we have to be able to send you a notice that we’ve got it up on the website.
So if you’re not a registered member of Skirt Strategies or betterleadership.com or wherever you might be – watching this video, please make sure that you register with us at skirtstrategies.com. And we have your information. There’s a signup on the homepage.
Carol: Yes. And just go to the sign up. Put your email in. And we’ll send you the ability to take this assessment and then a report comes to you afterwards.
And it’s really building your strengths and looking at what are your strengths in feminine leadership. This isn’t really for men. Sorry guys.
Katie: Yeah.
Carol: But you can look at what your feminine leadership strengths are and build from there. And we’re just really happy to bring this to you. Good luck!
Katie: Good luck! Thanks!
Carol: Thank you. Bye, bye.
[END OF TRANSCRIPT]
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