Seems that some of us women are crazy outspoken, and others are meek to pipe up! I have both traits in me, and know that those times are a challenge when I want to be more brave.
So where’s the line between you thinking you are diplomatic and you feeling you are treading too lightly? What about the line where you are direct, and appropriately so, and they are too sensitive?
In any case, a weak woman has lots to lose. If think you’re being soft, make sure you are not being a doormat.
Check out the video to give you a few pointers to get that voice of yours out there!
We think this whole approach is an invitation to a better work-life balance!
More in the video!
At Skirt Strategies we focus on a different leadership goal each month, providing a training tip via video and weekly training assignments for subscribed members.
AUDIO TRANSCRIPTION
(Music plays)
Katie: I think you should introduce us.
Carol: Hi, Katie and Carol here for Skirt Strategies. We are bringing you your video tip for the month and this month’s tip is –
Katie: Assertive communication skills, getting it all done without leaving a trail of bloodied bodies behind you.
Carol: I love this more women because I think we have a very difficult tightrope that we walk on, being assertive and being too weak and meek. How do you create that balance that really helps you get things done but you don’t leave the bloodied bodies behind?
Katie: I don’t ever want to leave bloodied bodies behind. Well do you ever do it intentionally?
Carol: No.
Katie: Well as you know I have a sharp tongue and I can shut somebody up but I don’t know that I want to bloody their body.
Carol: No. Well and sometimes you do because you just get frustrated. Things aren’t happening and you are kind of over it. You’re done so now things have got to happen and they just do. So you leave the trail.
Katie: I think that our followers are in one of two categories. Like you said, one of them is that they feel like they need to be more assertive and so this is what attracted them to this topic. They want to be effective but they have a fear of being over the line. They have a fear of being seen as that, the bitchy women or the woman who is in control or bossy.
Or there are women who know that they are outspoken and blunt sometimes and they have trouble because they say the opposite side, they say, “People take me the wrong way.”
Carol: Right and you do, maybe without knowing it you do leave some bloodied bodies and I have got to tell you, people are very unmotivated when you do that. You really do need to find the fine line between being overly assertive and having your communications be weak.
Now we talk about that. So what are some weak communications?
Katie: Let me put in a point about what you just said. If you are one of those people that say people are always acting like I’m leaving their body bloodied, I would check in on that. Is it you or are they being oversensitive? If you see a pattern, then yes.
Carol: You can pretty much tell. There may be some very sensitive people and honestly you have to treat them different. You really do if you want people to be motivated on a daily basis to come in to work and to do the work that’s there, then you really do have to take into account their personality and street them a little bit differently. It’s just like your kids. You don’t treat them all the same because they are different people.
Katie: You have ones that you love more. I’m just kidding. I’m completely kidding because they are probably watching.
Carol: Katie does.
Katie: So your question about weakness?
Carol: Yes so what is a weak way of asserting myself?
Katie: Using conditional statements.
Carol: Which is?
Katie: “Well why don’t you guys?”
“I know you are not all bought into this and I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.”
That’s really weak.
Carol: “Oh would you mind doing such and such?”
“If you get a little time?”
Katie: Now that’s the textbook version. It’s a little extreme. However, if you find yourself conditionalizing some things, like “Would you all mind if?” vs. “Can you all go?”
“Why don’t you go?”
“You guys go.”
There is the assertiveness level.
Carol: Being direct.
Katie: Being direct, specific, and non-punishing. That’s one of the tips in the – subscribers are getting this in the same topical area.
Carol: So our four-week delve into this, we do delve into that.
Katie: So assertiveness I think requires maybe one thing to remember. What does assertiveness require for you? That’s perhaps your first question. What does assertiveness require for you?
To me the answer is expressing yourself, standing up for yourself, being clear headed.
Carol: Okay.
Katie: I mean you got to know how to communicate. You got to do it in a way sometimes that’s simpler is better than more complex.
Carol: Well and if you are not leaving a trail of bloodied bodies but you are leaving a trail of people going, “What the heck was that and what am I supposed to do now?” That’s not any better. So you do have to be clear in your communications.
Katie: Some skills that we recommend. This sounds like it’s not assertive but one assertive is being patient. Listen for a message when others are communicating. Wait before you jump in. Use that time to compose yourself.
So instead of feeling like, “I have to be assertive. I have to be assertive so I’m going to interrupt. I’m going to jump in.” Take a couple breaths. Wait, compose yourself, then listen to what you are saying as you send it back to the other person.
Carol: But listen to them too because you’ll learn a whole lot about how you are coming across if you give somebody else a chance to talk.
Katie: Then our next skill is body language, your posture and your verbal. Assertive posture obviously. You are not going to want to do that. And eye contact is assertive. What would be the weak version of that?
Carol: Looking down and never finding anything.
Katie: You’ll definitely want some sort of eye contact.
And then lastly I think our last tip for you is to get your head clear so you can articulate your message. We hear this from a lot of women because their lives are so full of franticness and having balls in a whole lot of different courts that we can’t get clarity in what we are doing.
Carol: Well I’m going to put a plug in here for our membership and that is it’s $8 a month. You get to delve into these topics a little bit more and you get some set aside time to focus on clarity. Focus on how you are going to present yourself this week.
Katie: Tiny trainings, big results. That’s what we’re here for. This is Skirt Strategies. We’ll see you again soon.
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