Podcast: Download
In this episode of the Skirt Strategies Podcast we are giving you a special treat. We have pulled out a member-only recording that was featured in a recent month.
Here’s a series of training segments, inspired by Olivia Fox-Cabane’s, The Charisma Myth. (It’s a good book that we recommend)
These are short vignettes called Monday Morning Detox, usually no longer than 10 minutes. We give our subscribed members a monthly leadership topic in an introductory video then we record a weekly audio that explores the topic and creates a bit of focused time to work on that topic and set an intent for the week. Below you will see the PDF worksheets that go with the weekly audio recordings.
Each audio vignette is about 5 to 7 minutes with music setting up the focused time. We will not make you sit through 4 minutes of silence but thought you might want to see what our subscribed members get.
We hope you enjoy! Let us know how you like it. Leave a comment on this site or you can leave a recorded message that may be played on a subsequent show. You can email us at katie@skirtstrategies.com or carol@skirtstrategies.com.
Click Here to Download Charisma Worksheet 1
Click Here to Download Charisma Worksheet 2
Click Here to Download Charisma Worksheet 3
Click Here to Download Charisma Worksheet 4
Click Here to Download Charisma Worksheet 5
PODCAST TRANSCRIPTION PART I
Hello and welcome to the Skirt Strategies podcast! The podcast to help you get the support, validation and skills you need to accomplish your goals and really succeed in a male dominated world – all without having to give up your incredible female strengths.
Carol: Welcome to this special episode of Skirt Strategies podcast! Today, we’re going to do something a little different. What we did was we took some special content that Katie and I developed last year and it’s a members’ only content.
So what you have to understand about our members – is that once a month, we have a topic that we delve into and we delve into that weekly. So every week, we send-out a Monday Morning Detox. This is an audio recording and a pdf worksheet that really helps you set your intent for the week and be a better leader.
So what the topic that we’re going to talk about here is charisma and more specifically, a book by Olivia Fox Cabane called “The Charisma Myth.”
So we go into four segments and what you’re going to hear is about 20 minutes. You’re not going to hear the whole Monday Morning Detox because there is 4 minutes of protected time for somebody to set an intent.
So you won’t hear that. We’re not going to make you listen to 4 minutes of the time. But you need to know that that’s there because that’s an important part of what we do with our members – is we help them set their intents, set their mission, vision, goals and intent for how they’re going to be in the world as a leader of other people.
We’re thrilled to bring this to you. We’d like to hear what you think about it. Please email either Katie or I at katie@skirtstrategies.com or carol@skirtstrategies.com.
We’d like to hear what you think about the podcast and about this particular podcast. See if it’s something that you’d like us to do more of. Thanks so much. Enjoy!
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PODCAST TRANSCRIPTION PART II
Katie: Good morning! Monday Morning Detox. It’s another great week for our Skirt Strategists following us this month.
Carol: And this month – what are we talking about, Katie?
Katie: It’s a whole new month, new month and new topic. We’re talking about charisma the whole dang month.
Carol: And there’s five Mondays in this month.
Katie: It’s a month of Mondays again.
Carol: It is.
Katie: So you get bonus, a bonus podcast, bonus detox.
Carol: That’s right.
Katie: This first one though was just to get you started off on it. Let’s us introduce the fact. If you haven’t listened to or watched the video at this point, let us just give you a rundown of what the month is about.
We’ve got a book that we’re profiling. Something we read and we just loved and resonated with us. “The Charisma Myth.”
Carol: The Charisma Myth by Olivia Fox Cabane: How Anyone Can Master the Arts and Science of Personal Magnetism.
Katie: Hmmm.
Carol: Oh, it was fabulous! So fun to read and practice.
Katie: And what’s fresh about it – is that it’s fresh, it’s that we don’t really think about charisma as something that we might go work on.
Carol: Right.
Katie: But we should.
Carol: We should and we can. And Katie and I have both been working on it and we’re both actually…
Katie: More charismatic automatically.
Carol: Absolutely.
Katie: The assignment for this first week, Skirt Strategist – is to think about this word “charisma.” How do you spell it? And how charismatic would you say you are?
Now, we’re going to define for you what Charisma is before we ask you that. We’re just going to say…
Carol: We’ll start that next week.
Katie: Yeah. We’ll start defining it. But based on what you believe you think of is charisma – would you call yourself charismatic? How so?
Carol: Uh-hmm.
Katie: Then also, think about somebody that you think of as charismatic. My guess is – it’s someone that might be a role model for you.
Carol: Right. It can be somebody in your life who is a role model. It can be somebody out there – a politician or a religious figure or somebody that you’d think of with charisma.
Katie: Okay. Like it, love it, got to have more of it! And then ask yourself – “What is it about him or her that makes them more charismatic?” Is it that they’re good listeners? Is it that they’re tall? Is it that they have good eye contact?
Carol: They’re loud?
Katie: Maybe they’re loud. I think that’s a very key aspect of charisma.
Carol: Just because…
Katie: Short, blonde and loud. And it is kind of what is it to try to get your hands around it.
Then after we spend the following three weeks – the next three weeks, we’re going to take each of the pieces of Olivia’s model of charisma from the book “The Charisma Myth.” And we’ll talk about each of those three.
And as we talk about those three, you’ll get to know them more. Then we’ll come back to this in the fifth week and we’ll come back to that person that you’re identifying as charismatic – plus yourself. Where do you see yourself? So that’s a kickoff for the month.
Carol: And we’ll be doing skill-building the whole time. So one of the premises of this book is that you can have charisma…
Katie: And you can change your charisma level immediately.
Carol: It’s a learned behavior. So we’re going to learn you how.
Katie: We’re going to learn you how.
That’s all for this week of your weekly detox, really. Take some time to think about what you’d like to focus on for the week.
If you have an intent – we of course, give you 4 minutes of meditative silence at the end of your detox. It begins with music and ends with music and it starts in just a moment after I say, “May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you have a productive week.”
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PODCAST TRANSCRIPTION PART III
Katie: Good Morning Skirt Strategists!
Carol: Good Morning!
Katie: It’s the Monday Morning Detox – Your weekly focus for being a better female leader.
Carol: That’s right.
Katie: If it’s at all possible to be better than you are, just saying. We’re talking this month about charisma.
Carol: We are.
Katie: A book that Carol has turned us onto. “The Charisma Myth.”
Carol: By Olivia Fox Cabane.
Katie: Spell Cabane?
Carol: C-A-B-A-N-E.
Katie: Okay. So if you’re going to chase it down…. Olivia sounds like it should be. Fox sounds like it should be.
Here’s the focus for this week. We’re taking the first piece of her model – the three piece model.
Carol: Right.
Katie: We didn’t tell you what that was last week. We’re going to tell you all three pieces right now. “Presence, Power and Warmth.”
Talk this week about Presence. We’ll spend a little time next week on Power and then the week after for Warmth. And we’ll wrap up the month with an assessment based on what you’ve learned.
Carol: Presence.
Katie: P-R-E-S-E-N-C-E
Carol: Not presents – like if you give people things, you’ve got automatic charisma.
Katie: But if you gave them presence with the C-E, that’d be a wonderful gift.
Carol: Right. It would be. And that is part of charisma.
Katie: It is?
Carol: It’s to give somebody your presence.
Katie: Who’d look at it that way?
Carol: Yeah.
Katie: Yeah, you’re right. So being present in the moment, being present as a listener, being present face to face, what else? How do you see that?
Carol: It’s interesting. Just as we talk about this and you said in the video, that when you talk about it with your husband – the minute you said presence, he was more present with you.
And as we sit here, talking to each other across a desk – when we talk about presence, I just feel like being more present with you.
Katie: Thank you for that.
Carol: Yeah. Well, and you can practice this because we’re not all great at it. And I’ve got to say this is one of the things that an under charisma – I really need to practice, especially when you get in a room full of people. And this is what we want you to practice this month.
Sometimes when you need to give somebody your presence, you stop what you’re doing, you give them you’re full attention, you listen emphatically and you do not listen with the thought towards what you’re going to say next or who else is listening…
Katie: Or the distraction – the trash truck driving by.
Carol: Yeah. We did this in our retreat recently. We had people practice being present with each other and talking to each other. And I went around the room with a loud noise maker and trying to distract people…
Katie: Interrupt.
Carol: Because you get those interruptions no matter what. But you really do need to try to be present and talk about your story.
Katie: Well, it happened to me when I was talking to somebody in my front yard who’d stopped by to drop something off. And behind her, that goes the trash truck. And behind the trash truck, comes the recycling truck.
And the recycling truck stops across the street for a split second. They didn’t have their bin out yet – so it starts to take off. And I’m watching this and I’m thinking, “I miss the recycling.”
And then a little kid comes running out and the trash truck who’s halfway down the street – sees him in his rearview mirror, starts to back up. I’m hearing the – “Beep! Beep!” while I’m listening to Nicole talk to me and I’m trying to be present.
And they got their trash picked up. They got the recycling picked up. It ended up great. But being present was a huge challenge.
Carol: So that is your challenge for this week.
Katie: That’s a big challenge.
Carol: It’s to be present.
Katie: Regardless of diversions.
Carol: In situations. And be present with people. And I think you’ll notice the difference in how they perceive you.
If somebody takes the time to be present with you, you are perceived in a better light.
Katie: And you’re less likely to be seen as rude. You’re more likely to be seen as caring.
Carol: Right.
Katie: Boy! So many things! So many good things come from this as a leader and a successful woman leader – so presence alone is…
See? You’ve learn something right off the bat this week that you can take and run with.
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PODCAST TRANSCRIPTION PART IV
Katie: Good morning Skirt Strategists! It’s Monday Morning Detox – another week for you.
Carol: Yes, another week of charisma.
Katie: We’re going to talk this week about the next piece of Olivia Fox Cabane’s Model and that is “Power.”
We identified Presence last week. We’re going to look at Power this week. We’re going to give you little bit of an assignment.
Carol: Yes we are.
Katie: Say a little bit about what she is defining as Power, Carol.
Carol: Power – I think, is basically self-confidence. It’s showing that you have self-confidence and having others be self-confident with you and for you. So when you come into a room and you show your power, people are confident about following you.
Katie: I kind of feel like it’s a step beyond the self-confidence because you can be self-confident and show it, but not really do anything about it.
Carol: Or not be charismatic about it.
Katie: Yeah. So maybe it’s being… feeling you oaths. Maybe it sets self-confidence with the undertone of – “I can make something happen.” I don’t know. I just made that up.
Carol: There you go. You know, a lot of us are leaders and you need to make people confident about following your lead.
Katie: Well, they like to know that if you’re going to lead – that you’ve got authority and power to do it.
Carol: And you know what you’re doing.
Katie: Amen! What are some things that our followers can do to refine that power, to make it happen?
Carol: Well, the interesting thing – she talks about being the big gorilla in the room and I think this is difficult for women to do.
Katie: Because we’re not gorillas.
Carol: No. We’re girillas? So in this exercise – what you do is you puff yourself up, you give yourself confidence through your stature, through your posture, you make yourself big and then you walk into a room.
Katie: Okay.
Carol: So that part of power.
Katie: And you don’t have to big to do it.
Carol: No.
Katie: I had a client that was… believe it or not, I think he was 6’7. And he was a VP of a bank and I was teaching a class to the leadership team.
At one of the breaks – he said to me, “I think I’d like you to coach me, Katie because I feel like I don’t have presence. I feel like I don’t walk into a room.” And he said, “There you are and you’re not even 5 foot tall, you walk into a room and you completely command it. I thought that was a very nice compliment, but it was also my workshop. So the presence that I had when I walk into the room was – I’m in control and I’m making this agenda happen.”
And that came off to him as having power, having presence and being able to influence the room. But you don’t have to have the agenda in your back pocket to make that happen.
Carol: No you don’t. But you can use that visualization of that point in time. So let’s say now you have a big meeting coming up and there’s somebody in it that’s very intimidating. You can go back and visualize an anchor with that time…
Katie: A skill we used two months ago.
Carol: That’s right. We’ve done anchoring before. And you anchor with that feeling that you got in that room which was a powerful feeling.
Katie: Great Idea!
Carol: You anchor with that, you think about that before you walk into the room. You give yourself the posture, the stature, you walk into the room with confidence and…
Katie: Kaboom! I’ve blown them all over.
Carol: You just have displayed power charisma.
Katie: “Okay. I’m ready! I just need the audience.”
Carol: Alright. Go do it! Now, that is their assignment this week.
Katie: That is your assignment Skirt Strategists this week – is to find a situation where you’ve got power. Maybe you’re walking into the lobby of the bank, maybe you’re on the serial isle at the grocery store.
Carol: Maybe you’re walking into a board meeting.
Katie: That would be even better.
Carol: Yes. I’m thinking in a meeting, maybe not a board meeting, but any meeting that you’re going to this week. Think about coming in with some power charisma and how are you going to do that.
What is your anchor? What is that one time in your life that you had lots of power in a room and you felt great about it, you walked away knowing that people knew who you were when you left?
Katie: God! I love that! This is a great assignment. You will get something out of this, no matter what.
So let’s leave it at that. And then next week, we’ll wrap up with the third in the three of her model which is Warmth.
Carol: Yes.
Katie: That’s it for this week. You’ve got 4 minutes of meditative silence coming up. You know what to do. It begins with music – It ends with music.
It’s time just for you to set your intention or to set a goal for the week or just to have four minutes of silence. That’s something that never happens in your world.
May you be happy! May you be healthy! May you have a productive week!
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PODCAST TRANSCRIPTION PART V
Katie: Good morning Skirt Strategists! It’s Monday Morning Detox.
Carol: It is. And I’m Carol.
Katie: And I’m Katie. We’re talking again more and more and more because you’re going to be an expert before this month is over.
In the aspect of charisma – what you do, how you do it, what it involves, what it looks like when other people have a bit more importantly, how you can be so much more influential as a woman in leadership when you have it.
First we talked about presence, then we talked about power. And now, to round out the list of three – warmth.
Carol: Warmth.
Katie: Are you warm? Do people tell you you’re warm?
Carol: Are you warm with other people?
Katie: What do you suppose it is about you if you are warm? And what if you’re not? Smiling to me makes people warm.
Carol: That’s true.
Katie: So Olivia Fox Cabane – our author who says it’s mostly non-verbal’s, right?
Carol: It is. So warmth is portrayed with non-verbal’s and it comes almost directly from the eyes. And you can smile. That gives you some warmth, but depending on how you smile…
Katie: Like [Inaudible][0:16:42.1] versus…
Carol: Versus sincere and genuine and all of those things.
And warmth simply put… She says – is good will towards others. So if you have genuine good will towards others, you don’t even have to practice this.
Katie: Do you care? You know, when somebody cares, it shows in their face, right?
Carol: Absolutely. It does.
Katie: So you should just look like you care? What if you don’t care?
Carol: That can be a problem.
Katie: Do you ever listen to somebody that you just think, “I don’t care what they’re saying.” And then you’re not going to be charismatic.
Carol: About it?
Katie: I guess. I don’t know. Maybe in the world of picking where you put your efforts. Do you sometimes pick the ones where you want to put the effort into?
Carol: Tell me the person you think of with warmth, charisma?
Katie: I thought you’re going to say – who I don’t care the most about.
Carol: No. We’re not going to go there.
Katie: I think of somebody that I used to work with. His name was…
Carol: We don’t.
Katie: Okay. I won’t say his name. But it’s a compliment, right?
He was a consultant with me. I actually don’t know where he is now. He retired and went on to work for various consulting firm.
But he was a role model for me and just had a way of being composed, had it together, was a great listener, gave feedback in a carrying, warm way. He was a role model that I think was charismatic.
And now he also was… (and this it too bad that we’re not all that our society kind of looks at) a strong middle-aged tall man that looks like he’s got a power suit on. Sometimes that just sends a message of – “Wow! He’s really charismatic.”
So those of us that don’t have that going for us – What does our version of that look like? Because we absolutely can – It just might not look like a power suit.
Carol: Right. Well, and you think of charismatic warm people, you think of Gandhi…
Katie: He didn’t wear a power suit.
Carol: He barely wore…
Katie: Anything.
Carol: Underwear. But think about that. I mean, a little skinny man that absolutely exudes warmth.
Katie: Mother Theresa. Warm, warm, warm…
Carol: Perfect! Absolutely! And I’m sure that if you spent any time with her, she was with you the whole time.
So presence comes into play here because you almost can’t have warmth without presence.
Katie: Right. And what if you’re present and powerful, but you’re not warm? That’s different. It’s not really charisma. It’s maybe influential in a different way, but not the same as wanting to be a follower of that person.
Carol: Right.
Katie: Which is what leadership is about for women.
Carol: For anybody, it is. But for women – you know, I think we can do use a little more of the warmth in that. I think men maybe use more power in their charisma
Katie: Yeah.
Carol: So you don’t have to wear a power suit all the time in order to have charisma. You can think of Mother Theresa or Gandhi and come in with that warmth.
The other thing… (one of her exercises and something for you to do this week as you are going through and thinking about warmth and charisma) is when you’re in a room full of folks, think of them all with angel wings. And doesn’t that just kind of soften your whole body?
Katie: Do I get wings too or would I have the…?
Carol: You can have wings too. You can have the bigger set of wings.
Katie: Okay.
Carol: And then everybody else has a little or set of wings.
Katie: So I don’t feel like I’m out of place.
Carol: That’s right.
Katie: Like I’m being judged.
Carol: But I do think that’s a wonderful… Again, next meeting you go into, next situation you’re in, think of everybody there with angel wings and think of everybody there just loving them.
Katie: We did an exercise like this around the intuition model in our retreat (I don’t know if you remember it) where everyone imagined the word “yes” – coming from everyone’s mouth.
Carol: Oh, yes.
Katie: So it’s kind of the same thing. How do you visualize the world around you? Do you see it as somebody throwing darts or do you see it as something that’s warm and embracing back of you?
Carol: Right.
Katie: That’s nice.
Carol: It is nice.
Katie: Well, let’s leave it there. And that’s your assignment. Well, let’s say more about your assignment because that’s not so descriptive.
We’re going to have you to take a look at where you are in your range of warmth. How much of what you propagate is your non-verbal and through your non-verbal’s as warmth.
Take a look in the mirror. Look at your face when it’s neutral. Then I want you to look at your face when you’re thinking – “I care.” And you’re smiling. Look at the two different messages that are sent with that.
I know a lot of people that when they smile, they look 180˚ different. I wonder how often you should be doing that – versus being a neutral face. Things to think about. And go out and try that!
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That’s it for this episode of Skirt Strategies podcast! Thank you for joining us! And don’t forget to leave a comment at skirtstrategiespodcast.com. Remember that success comes when you lead – using your natural female strengths.
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