How Healthy Is Selfish?
That’s right kids … your moms used to sit out on a gravel roof to sunbathe in the 1980’s. Sad, but true. Pi Beta Phi at Mizzou. Here’s to taking some time for ourselves … however you define it.
So now I’ll tie my message to how we spend time doing what we want, if even at the expense of making grades.
Have you ever gone off to the exercise class when your partner would have preferred you spend time with him around the house? Have you planned a family meal that was better-directed at your diet than their cravings? Or do you sneak away for time with girlfriends because your sanity level is borderline zany? Here’s my favorite …. did you snarf that last of the vanilla ice cream in the freezer because you just wanted to get to it first? (bad example)
Selfishness is doing what you want for yourself and when you want it, but also has the implication of doing it at the expense of others. What about doing something for yourself when no one else suffers a consequence? Is anything wrong with that? Yet women have a natural tendency of guilt. Baaaad. Don’t beat yourself up over something you did.
For the Love of Giving, For the Love of Taking
Recall mom’s dramatic declaration: “I give and give and give for you kids.” Oh geez, mom. I LOVE that she had family as a priority, but I also wonder whether she maintained her health and overall happiness because of it. In putting others first, she wore herself out.
So let’s find a way to get our needs met, and to let go of the self-scrutiny. We do for others because it feels good. Giving makes us happy and like so many studies have shown, lead us then to a more gratifying life.
Now flip that … if giving is good, should taking be bad? Don’t make that conclusion! We are often driven to abandon our own wants and needs because of that sense of guilt.
Studies also show that when you have time to ponder over doing something, we talk ourselves out of it. Judging sneaks in and then it’s downhill from there.
Some Ideas To Keep In Mind
To refine your self-care, begin with a period of observation, raising awareness and bringing a few things to the forefront. Then your subsequent action is key,
OBSERVATION –> JUDGING
That’s right. You’re bound to see your actions in either a good or a bad light. “I spent an hour in yoga this morning AND then another hour for a late lunch break taking a long walk. Over 2 hours of self-centered relaxation and exercise. How greedy! I should be working on my business harder.”
Here’s your rework.
OBSERVATION –> JUDGING –> EMBRACE IT –> LET IT GO
After recognizing the guilty perspective you just threw in your own face, hug it. Actually embrace it by accepting that’s the way you might see it but not necessarily gospel. You took the time for yourself because it does something for you. When you take care of yourself, you are in a better place to take care of others. There’s no mistake there … you spend a part of your life taking care of others. Then just let the guilty feelings fly away.
Help in Digesting Guilt
It’s easier to let go of guilt when you know you have done something for others. My guess is that you are naturally gratuitous to others. Make a list of all you do for family, girlfriends, co-workers, and strangers. You made extra snacks for your friends when you met for Book Club. Your altruism shines. (tip – it’d shine more if you opted to bring a bottle of Malbec instead. Just sayin’.)
So if you had that wonderfully giving mother, soak in her wonder, appreciate the beauty of all she gave, and then let go of your guilt. Schedule the pedicure without remorse. And go a little decadent now and then … schedule a full-body massage and make it a loooong one, and cover yourself with vanilla ice cream.
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